| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TRAITOR JOKES OF THE WEEK A CIA Agent, KGB spy and Mossad agent were sent to infiltrate a terrorist cell. The terrorists figured out the three were infiltrators and thus captured them. The terrorists decided to torture the three infiltrators. They started with the CIA agent. "Do not worry, for I have been trained in the United State's most insidious enhanced interrogation techniques and how to resist them." They heard the agent crying for around 10 minutes before he was tossed back in the cell, bloodied and bruised. "I failed. I told them everything I knew." Next, the terrorists came for the KGB spy. "Comrades, there is nothing to fear. For our glorious cause, I have survived in the most dangerous areas of the Motherland, and will not fail!" Once again, screams reached the cell. But the KGB agent lasted only 30 minutes. Afterwards, he was tossed back in the cell with several broken bones. "Comrades, I am ashamed to admit that I have betrayed the glorious Motherland and divulged all manners of secrets." Finally, the terrorists came for the Mossad agent. With his head resigned, knowing that members of the two greatest spy agencies failed, he was unsure as to how he would survive. The torture started. Screams concern again echoed within the cell. But they didn't soon cease. 10 minutes passed, then a half hour, then hours. Throughout that night, the torture continued. It went on for an entire week, but it didn't seem that the Mossad agent would break. When the week was up, the terrorists tossed a very broken man back in the cell. The KGB and CIA agents were surprised. "How did you last so long?" Through a mouth of broken teeth and blood, the Mossad agent replied. "I tried to tell them everything, but my hands were tied." An FBI chief is informed there is a traitor in his staff. He decides to test 3 agents he suspects. He loads his gun with blanks and then calls them in to his office. He sits down the first agent and asks him: Chief: "Are you a patriot?" Agent: "Yes sir, I am." Chief: "Do you love more, your country or your family?" Agent: "My country sir!" Chief: "Alright, take this gun and head into that room. Inside waiting is your wife and you need to kill her with this gun." The agent gently picks up the gun off the table and walks into the room. One minute of silence later and the agent returns with a defeated look on his face. Agent: "I can't do it sir, I don't have what it takes." Chief: "You are dismissed." The same line of questioning repeats with the next agent. The agent then picks up the gun and walks in the room where his wife is waiting. Three minutes pass without a sound being made. He returns with an angry look and says: Agent: "I won't do it sir, this isn't right." Chief: "You are dismissed." Next agent comes and the same line of questioning is repeated. He grabs the gun and walks into the room where his wife is waiting. Not five seconds pass and you hear BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Then some loud banging, things falling over, grunts and heavy breathing followed by a faint squeal and finally complete silence. The agent returns with his clothes wrinkled and his hair messed up. He puts the now empty gun on the table and says: Agent: "Sir, for some reason the gun fired blanks so I had to strangle her." Why did the traitor wear two watches? Because he's a two timer. Why did Lenin mark the names of traitors with? at the end? Because they question Marx Berel, John and Achmed were sentence to death by a firing squad because of treason to the state. Berel was the first up. the general gave the command to his soldiers to shoot. "Ready..Aim..." Then Berel suddenly shouted "EARTHQUAKE!!" All the soldiers hid for cover and Ben escaped. John was next. "Ready...Aim..." Then John Screamed "TSUNAMI!!" The soldiers hid for cover again and they lost John as well. The last was Achmed. "Ready...Aim..." Then Achmed suddenly shouted "FIRE!" What do you call a traitor who is deaf in one ear? A mute-in-ear Where is Benedict Arnold's favorite place to shop for groceries? Traitor Joe's
What did the jungle bird say to his friend after being betrayed? "Toucan play this game..." Oyyy…
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