RABBI SCHWARTZ'S FIRE AND LAG BA'OMER JOKES OF THE WEEK Reb Shimon survived in a cave for 12 years on carobs and a spring… For most youth today the biggest problem would be that there's no wifi service. Why did Reb Shimon only have carobs and spring water for 12 years in cave? Because he Uber Eats Door Dash guy didn't know how to find "under spiritual rock, near the Shechina…" (should've taken me as their tour guide) Reb Shimon wrote the whole Zohar while in hiding…. Imagine if he would've had whatsapp and cell service… !2 years in a cave and Reb Shimon didn't complain once, meantime we can't make it through a trip to visit his grave in his memory without a million complaints about the Israeli government and cursed Tziyonim…. What a tikkun for his neshoma.. When he came out of the cave the Talmud tells us he burned people up with eyes. My Rabbi does that every time I pull out my phone during Torah reading to check my E-mail… Yankel, the new beggar in town comes to the Rabbi of the community to ask him for help. "Everything I had and owned, Rabbi, was lost when my house burned down recently in a raging fire. I've nothing left but the clothes I'm wearing." "Do you have a letter from your own rabbi attesting to this fire?" Rabbi Goldman asks. "Yes, I did have such a letter, but unfortunately, that was also lost in the fire." At the local Talmud Torah School they brought in a fireman to talk about safety before Lag Ba'Omer. He brought some visual aids with him including a smoke detector. The fireman pressed the button to demonstrate and asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector. Little Moishie immediately raised his hand and said, "It means my Abba is cooking dinner." Children to Pinocchio "Would you like to celebrate Lag Ba'Omer with us? Pinocchio "But I don't have any branches or wood?" Children- :))))) Pinocchio- :((((((( And finally favorite of the week So the Breslaver was standing by the grave of Rebbi Shimon Bar Yochai and he was pouring out his heart and was overheard saying "Rebbe Shimon, I need a salvation and I promise that if you help I will mention you and add you to my prayers on Rosh Hashana in Uman by Rebbe Nachman, and by Reb Shayaleh…
|