| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE DEAL JOKES OF THE WEEK I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday. All Fridays matter. Amazing BLACK FRIDAY deal: Buy NOTHING and save up to 100% in EVERY STORE! Why was "Art of the Deal" so long? It had six Chapter 11s. As Adam is walking about the Garden of Eden he is approached by God, "Adam you look quite lonely." "Well..." "Listen, my son, how about I make you a companion? A beautiful women, who is smart and funny. She will be your true match and the two of you will be forever happy together." "Well that does sound pretty great," replies Adam. "Wonderful, I'll only need your arm to make it so." "...my arm? Can I think about it?" God allows Adam to mull over the deal and says he will ask again tomorrow. The next day, God again comes up to Adam, "Have you decided, my son?" "I've thought it over a great deal, God. She sounds amazing but I very much like both my arms. What can I get for a rib?" What do you call a gangster who's always on the hunt for a good deal? Al Coupon Our company has been working on this big deal for a year and I just blew it. Oh well, I guess it's no big deal. One day Yankel walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. "Eight hundred dollars," the dentist says. "That's a ridiculous amount," Yankel says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock it down to $700." "That's still too expensive," Yankel says. "Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging $200." "Nope," moans Yankel, "it's still too much." "Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $100." "Marvelous," says Yankel, "book my wife for next Tuesday!" Berel and Shmerel both really love baseball and they made a deal that whoever died first would have to come down from above and tell the other guy if there was baseball in heaven. When Berel died, he came down to tell Shmerel. Berel: I have good news and bad news. Shmerel: The good news? Berel: There is baseball in heaven! Shmerel: And the bad news? Berel: You're pitching next week! My local gym costs $120 for an entire year. That's $60 per visit, not a great deal. A Salesman is working late one night to close a deal with some clients. They start to get hungry, so he calls down to the office cafeteria to see if they can fix anything. The kitchen is already closed for the night, so the best the chef can do is whip up some sandwiches. As the chef is plating them up, he accidentally knocks the pickle jar off the counter and shatters it on the floor. The Salesman ultimately fails to get the clients to sign on. Apparently, the sandwiches were a dill breaker. What's the difference between Americans and the engines of the El Al plane on which they travel here on? After they land, the engines of the jets quit whining. There once was a clan of hunter-gatherers dedicated to being self-sufficient. They would ONLY ever hunt and gather. Absolutely no trading or sales of any kind was allowed in this clan. Being self-sufficient was religion to them, and they hated the idea of money. Then one-time, little old Joe from this clan had had enough, he wanted to try some of the other clans' produce for once. So he secretly made a deal and met with one of the other clan's members in the dead of the night. Just as they were exchanging goods and were about to close the deal, 3 spies from Joe's clan popped up from behind the bushes to catch him dead in the act. They all shouted in unison, "TRADER!" A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain. He goes to the clerk and says "Hello, I'd like to purchase a new brain". The clerk replies with "Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale" "Here's the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars." "Here's our second deal for today. The brain of a C Liberal Free Palestine Supporter, 10,000 dollars". The man, completely confused, asks "Why is the brain of a Liberal Free Palestine Supporter Liberal Free Palestine Supporter more expensive than of a physicist?" "Because it's never been used" The clerk replies. A man grabs a case of beer off the store shelf. His wife stops him and asks "What do you think you're doing?" The man responds "It's a 24 pack on sale for $10. That's a great deal." His wife tells him they can't afford it and to put it back. A little while later the wife grabs a $20 jar of skin cream off the shelf. The man stops her and asks "What do you think you're doing? That's $20! We can't afford that!" She quickly answers back "This is different. This makes me look beautiful for you." The man says "So does the beer and that's half the price!"
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