In order to stay in the calm zone when dealing with relationship frustrations, we must train ourselves to overcome our negative automatic response patterns. If you grew up with saintly parents, then when you got a poor mark on a test, made a mess, broke a dish or lost an item, someone said something like, "You're far more important than that item." When you were in pain, someone responded with compassion and empathy and guided you through it.
My Father, although he loved me, would laugh at my disappointments instead of giving me support. He did the best he could for who he was.
The reactions of the mature adults in your home taught you how to handle losses. However, if you did not grow up with people who were so proactively working on their character traits, then you may have learned that the way to deal with stress is to slam doors, scream angrily, eat junk food, or freeze in depressive silence. The result is that now, when you feel helpless, ashamed or angry, you fall back on your old patterns, such as cursing, yelling, eating, sulking in despair, or freezing in anxiety. Get mad, bad, sad, sick or crazy. Many people never outgrow these patterns. They are as deeply ingrained in our psyches as our mother tongue.
Isn't it time to stop being 5 years old?
Love Yehuda Lave
Beit Levi Eshkol & 2nd President Izchak Ben Zvi. On an OU trip we visit these two important houses right in the center of Rahavia. The first pictures were of the Museum of the Palmach in Tel Aviv. Well worth a visit to see what a miracle the state of Israel is.
Perfectly Cooked Eggs
A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in...
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. "Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"
The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"
The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.
"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"
The wife runs to the fridge.
"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS"
At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.
She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs."
The husband simply smiles and remarks "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car" and leaves.
When the Pope Gives You Advice.
Two beggars were sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.
One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope came by. He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. He felt sorry for him.
Finally, the Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said: "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross.
In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite!"
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, turned to the beggar with the Cross and said: "Moishe, would you look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing?
We're halfway through 2017 and people have done a whole lot of awesome stuff already. Thanks to all the amazing people who submitted their videos to People are Awesome. Here's a compilation of the best videos of the year so far! Sit back, relax, and enjoy 5 minutes of amazing tricks, crazy jumps, ski, snowboard and BMX flips, insane strength, flexibility, and talented kids!
The next time your spouse or family member does something you don't like, ask yourself the following questions:
It will require a huge degree of humility to answer honestly. Focusing on the answers will help you stay in the calm zone when you are disappointed in the other.
1. What do I want that I'm not getting?
2. What will be the effect of not getting what I want?
3. Is he or she purposely depriving me of what I want? Can I know with 100% certainty that they are acting this way due to deliberate malice against me? Or, are they doing this out of lack of intelligence, insensitivity or immaturity?
4. If, in the midst of an angry retort, someone were to offer me $10,000 for giving the benefit of the doubt and staying calm, would I be able to control myself?
5. Can I know, with 100% certainty that my spouse could do better and could give me what I want – at this moment?
6. Can I know with 100% certainty what is motivating their behavior, including the effects of their childhood programming or level of emotional/intellectual intelligence?
7. Can I know with 100% certainty that G‑d wants me to get the love, understanding and appreciation which I crave from this person? (This is the hardest one!)
Love Yehuda Lave
The Mount Was Empty! By Moshe Feiglin - 12 Av 5777 – August 4, 2017
Although I anticipated that Netanyahu would remove the metal detectors from the Temple Mount, and although I very much hoped that I would be proven wrong, things developed in such an amazing and fascinating manner that I couldn't help but think that perhaps we were on the threshold of an historic change.
Everything that happened on the Temple Mount is the opposite of what you would have expected. After Israel liberated the Temple Mount in the Six-Day War, then Defense Minister Moshe Dayan returned the keys to the Temple Mount to the Muslim wakf. The wakf was in shock. Fifty years later, Netanyahu begged the wakf to take the Mount back, but they were simply unwilling to do so, deciding instead to boycott the site.
This was inexplicable. Israel had already removed the metal detectors and even took down the security cameras. Just as Jordan's King Hussein forced Israel to liberate Jerusalem in 1967, so too the Muslim wakf was forcing Netanyahu to apply Israeli sovereignty to the Temple Mount. This historic change could only happen to the Nation of Israel. It was simply amazing.
The Temple Mount was empty. After 50 years, it was in our hands! The Arabs were not there. Only Jews were on the Temple Mount. This was absolutely astounding! The problem is that Am Yisrael did not have the leadership capable of understanding this historic moment and translating it into practical strategy.
The Muslim wakf was completely right about the metal detectors. For years, Israel had been saying that the Temple Mount belongs to the Arabs. So if it is theirs, why were we putting metal detectors at the gates of their home? The Arabs understood very well that the metal detectors are a flag that symbolize sovereignty.
The entire situation on the Temple Mount revolves around sovereignty – not prayer. When Netanyahu folded and agreed to remove the metal detectors, he cut the rope that ties us to this land precisely at that stake to which everything else is tied. All of rights on this land, all of our connection to it, to Zionism, to Mount Zion – everything from which we draw our identity – revolves around the Temple Mount. From the moment that Netanyahu folded and indicated that the Mount is theirs, not ours, he opened the door, G-d forbid, to ever-increasing pressure on Israel.
We have just missed an extraordinary opportunity. In my estimation, Israel's weakness on the Temple Mount will bring a very serious conflict upon us with much more difficult starting conditions because, with our capitulation, we have lost our sense of justice. And a nation that has lost its sense of justice cannot win – even if it has the most sophisticated army, the smartest submarines, the F-15, the F-16 and the F-35. A young Arab girl with a pair of scissors who knows what she is doing here will defeat an Israeli soldier with the most sophisticated weapon. Ultimately, justice is the best weapon of all.
The two seas-what we can learn about love
Glen Campbell - Wichita Lineman when he was young and handsome passed away last week
Glen Campbell - By The Time I Get To Phoenix
Where Do You Fall on the Personality Compass?
Contrary to popular belief, there are only four distinct personality types in this world, namely Rational, Emotional, Introvert and Extrovert. Following your response to an intriguing set of questions, this quiz will determine your personality and let you know
Always hold on to your sense of self-worth in the face of critical people. This requires that you remind yourself that, "This is just this person's opinion. It does not define all of me. I am a Bas/Ben Melech (daughter/son of the King) and Hashem loves me as I am right now."
This does not mean you are not open to grow, but the critical person is not necessarily interested in your growth, sometimes they just want to cut you down.
Love Yehuda Lave
André Rieu - The Beautiful Blue Danube
Damaged organs could be REGROWN with one-touch technology
A Beautiful Message by Arthur Ashe. The legendary Wimbledon Player who was dying of AIDS, which he got due to infected blood he received during a Heart Surgery in 1983! He received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why did God have to select you for such a bad disease?" To this Arthur Ashe replied: 50 Million children started playing Tennis, 5 Million learnt to play Tennis, 500 000 learnt Professional Tennis, 50 Thousand came to Circuit, 5 Thousand reached Grand Slam, 50 reached Wimbledon, 4 reached the Semifinals, 2 reached the Finals and when I was holding the cup in my hand, I never asked God "Why Me?" So now that I'm in pain how can I ask God "Why Me?" Happiness keeps you Sweet! Trials keep you Strong! Sorrows keep you Human! Failure keeps you Humble! Success keeps you Glowing! But only, Faith keeps you Going! Sometimes you are not satisfied with your life, while many people in this world are dreaming of living your life. A child on a farm sees a plane fly overhead dreams of flying. but, a pilot on the plane sees the farmhouse & dreams of returning home. That's life! Enjoy yours... If wealth is the secret to happiness, then the rich should be dancing on the streets. But only poor kids do that. If power ensures security, then VIPs should walk unguarded. But those who live simply, sleep soundly. If beauty and fame bring ideal relationships, then celebrities should have the best marriages. Live simply, be happy! Walk humbly and love genuinely! WHY ME? A Beautiful Message not just to read and forward but to apply practically in our personal life. Reply Forward
People are awesome
Which part of the states to retire?
Where to retire:
You can retire to Arizona where…
You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade. 2. You've experienced condensation on your buttfrom the hot water in the toilet bowl. 3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food. 5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees. 6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
You can retire to California where... 1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house. 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway. 3. You know how to eat an artichoke. 4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is. 5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.
You can retire to New York City where... 1 You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan. 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. 3. You think Central Park is "nature." 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual. 5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car) 6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression
You can retire to Michigan where.. 1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. 2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas. 3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole. 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons. 5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
You can retire to The Deep South where... 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2 "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural. 3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc. 5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."
You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart" at the end!
You can move to Colorado where.. 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car. 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center. 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where.. 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name. 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day. 4. You end every sentence with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"
FINALLY, you can retire to Florida where.. 1. You eat dinner at3:15 in the afternoon. 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars 3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist. 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state. 5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people