Thursday, August 23, 2012

Rosh Hashanah joke about the type of bread we use, and Natan Sharansky on Iran

Circle Of Serenity Technique

Imagine a large circle in front of you or on the side. Inside this circle visualize masters of serenity one by one leaving their serenity inside. Feel a tremendous amount of serenity stored up. Mentally step into this circle and feel that serenity permeating your being from head to toe. Whenever you need some more serenity step inside again.

Love Yehuda Lave

This one is a big DUH!!!

3. Natan Sharansky: Iran Fears are Slowing Aliyah
by Chana Ya'ar Natan Sharansky: Iran Fears are Slowing Aliyah

Fears of an attack on Iran are putting off people who might otherwise be inclined to move to Israel, says Natan Sharansky.

The Jewish Agency Chairman said in an interview with Voice of Israel government radio on Sunday that numerous aliyah immigrants have delayed their flights over fears of war with Iran.

Many would-be immigrants have already completed all of their paperwork, and even have found places to live in their dreamed-of homeland, Sharansky said. However, the Jewish Agency has received dozens of calls from the planned-for new olim (immigrants), cancelling the plans and saying their arrivals would be delayed until the threat of war has faded away.

Sharansky suggested that public discussion of the issue be toned down, adding that Israel's deterrence power is affected by the chatter; echoing a sentiment expressed by numerous figures in the defense arena.

Former Mossad head Danny Yatom said in an interview with IDF Army Radio earlier this month that he was "worried" at the many comments by senior Israeli officials about the possibility of attacking Iran.

Many of those making the comments have been former members of the security establishment, making the phenomenon even more worrying, he said.

"It is legitimate to discuss the question of whether or not to attack Iran's nuclear systems," he said, "but discussing details will damage the security of the nation."

This one is a joke, but funny nevertheless, might even have some truth to it!!
On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins.
Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors:
For ordinary sins
White Bread
For erotic sins
French Bread
For particularly dark sins
For complex sins
For twisted sins
For tasteless sins
Rice Cakes
For sins of indecision
For sins committed in haste
For sins of chutzpah
Fresh Bread
For substance abuse
Stoned Wheat
For use of heavy drugs
Poppy Seed
For petty larceny
For committing auto theft
For timidity/cowardice
Milk Toast
For ill-temper
For silliness, eccentricity
Nut Bread
For not giving full value
For jingoism, chauvinism
Yankee Doodles
For excessive irony
Rye Bread
For unnecessary chances
Hero Bread
For telling bad jokes/puns
Corn Bread
For war-mongering
Kaiser Rolls
For dressing immodestly
For causing injury to others
For lechery and promiscuity
Hot Buns
For promiscuity with gentiles
Hot Cross Buns
For racist attitudes
For sophisticated racism
Ritz Crackers
For being holier than thou
For abrasiveness
For dropping in without notice
For over-eating
For impetuosity
Quick Bread
For indecent photography
For raising your voice too often
For pride and egotism
Puff Pastry
For sycophancy, ass-kissing
For being overly smothering
Angel Food Cake
For laziness
Any long loaf
For trashing the environment


For those who require a wide selection of crumbs, we suggest a Tashlich Mix available in three grades (Taslich Lite, Medium, and Industrial Strength) at your favorite Jewish bookstore.

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