| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S REALLY TERRIBLE AIRLINES JOKES OF THE WEEK An Israeli News reporter is at the airport, writing a piece on the rude service reputation of El Al airline pilots. She approaches Dudu the Israeli Pilot captain and asks, "for my article, can you please tell me the last time you were rude to a passenger? "It was 1959", says the pilot. "Oh wow, that long ago?" she responds, "I thought you airline pilots held a reputation as very arrogant rude men" Dud looks at his watch and says "Well, considering it's only 2025 now..." Mendel was travelling for Yom Tov to Israel for the first time on a El Al. "Would you like dinner?" the cabin crew asked. "What are my choices?" "Yes or no." Which airline has the smelliest planes? Incontinental Airlines A blonde rings up an airline and asks: "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone replies: "Just a minute". The blonde thanks her and hangs up the phone. United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is. I am looking for a name for my airline exclusively for bald people. How about "Receding Airlines"? How do recognize an Israeli airline pilot in the room? ohh, he will tell you. "I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time." Said the Malaysian shark. Say "Unreliable Airline" three times fast. Delta Delta Delta As a crowded El Al airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose. Have you ever noticed that all airline Captains have the same last name? Every public address they make beings with: "Welcome, this is your Captain Speaking..." Rushing up to the EL Al Airlines ticket counter. Yankel gasped, "Ma'am, please help me. I have to get to Israel in the worst way!" The clerk calmly pointed to her right and said, "Sir, that would be Delta Ed Christie, CEO of Spirit Airlines, walks into a bar. He says to the bartender "Can I have a draft beer?" The bartender says "Sure thing. That'll be .50¢" He replies "50 cents? That's really cheap!" The bartender looks up and finishes with ."....and it'll be $3 for the glass, $4 if you just stand, $8 if you want to sit down, and $3 each time to use the restroom My wife called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. "Sure," they said, "as long as you provide your own kennel." They further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. My wife was taken aback: "I'll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!" Guy was your typical arrogant Israeli suave looking passenger and he sat down next to a pretty woman next to him for their long flight to America. He turned to her and said "Hey did the airlines charge you extra to sit next to such a handsome man?" She took one look at him and said "yeah… but I didn't want to pay…"
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