| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE BEEF JERKY JOKES OF THE WEEK Sometime in the 1970s, on an absolutely freezing day, a shipment of meat arrives in a town in the Soviet Union. The townspeople, bundled to their eyeballs, line up outside the town store to wait to be given their rations. After about an hour, a man comes out of the store and announces,
"Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so the Jews have to leave." The Jews in the line leave grumbling. About an hour later, the man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone, so anyone who is not a member of the Communist party will have to leave." More grumbling as the non-Party members depart.
Another hour goes by and the man comes out of the store again and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't enough meat for everyone in the line, so anyone who wasn't a member of the Party before 1956 has to leave." More grumbling as all the younger Party members leave. A few old people remain in the line.
Another hour goes by. It's now getting dark and it's cold. The same man comes out of the store and announces, "Comrades, I'm sorry to tell you this, but there isn't any meat. Go home."
One old lady in the line turns to her neighbor and says, "See? It's like I told you. The Jews always get the best treatment ..."
A woman's poem
He didn't like my salt beef And he didn't like my cake. My kichel were too hard... Not like his mother used to make. I didn't make the borsht right He left the cholent stew. I didn't wash his gatkes… The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and gave him a potch... Like his mother used to do. Do not use "beef_stew" as a password! It's not stroganoff.
I said to the woman at the deli, "I'd like to buy a corned beef and pastrami, with pickles."
She replied, "Sorry... We only take cash or card." Difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef
I saw Han Solo crying while eating his beef. Later I asked why. He said it was chewy.
I've started investing in stocks; beef, chicken and vegetable. One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
Christians, Muslims, and Jews are always fighting, but Hindus never have any beef......
When vegans get into an argument is it still called beef?
I have no idea. But if it gets physical, all vegans know the art of foot karate. They call it tofu. I went to the store for some beef broth. But they were all out of stock
If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?
'American'. When vegans have an argument, is it still beef? No. It's leaf.
Yankel goes into a fancy Israeli restaurant and orders the main dish special of the day. After a few bites he calls his waiter over and says
"Waiter! Is this a Prime Rib or Filet Mignon? " Can't you tell by the taste of it?" Dudu asks him back "No!" "Then why do you care?" | 
