Friday, April 18, 2014

You Just Can't Fix Stupid and Pesuch Puns

 Will Power

A Jewish principle states that "nothing can stand in the way when you have strong desire to accomplish something."
Think of something that you would like to accomplish but are not doing all you can in this area. Increase your intensity of "will," and be totally motivated to utilize all your resources and energy to accomplish it.
Love Yehuda Lave

Some people NEVER learn!!

I could have sworn I hit the brake pedal!
Car upside down in the bay - see guy standing on it?
Call out the wrecker!?

Coming back up...coming...coming...

?Coming...almost there! ?

Ooops! ?

I could have sworn I set the brakes on that truck!
Time to get a Bigger Wrecker! ?


Ok, we got the car..let's get the other wrecker now!?

Ooohhh Crap !!!!

Who's gonna explain this one to the insurance guys?

SEE...your day has not been so bad after all...

With Passover coming up, here are some points you might want to consider

A group of leading medical researchers have published data indicating that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses, it seems that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.
At our seder, we had whole wheat and bran matzoh, fortified with Metamucil. The brand name, of course, "Let My People Go."
Old Jewish men in Miami get hernias from wearing chai's which are too heavy. This condition is called chaiatal hernia!
If a doctor carries a black bag and a plumber carries a tool box, what does a mohel carry? A briskit!
JEWISH JEOPARDY - I give the answer, you give the question
A: Midrash.
Q: What is a Mideast skin disease?
A: The Gaza Strip.
Q: What is an Egyptian Belly Dance?
A: A classroom, a Passover ceremony, and latke.
Q: What are a cheder, a seder, and a tater?
A: Sofer.
Q: On what do Jews recline on Passover?
A: Babylon.
Q: What does the rabbi do during some sermons?
A: Filet Minyan.
Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?
A: Kishka, sukkah, and circumcision.
Q: What are a gut, a hut, and a cut?
And speaking of circumcisions: An enterprising Rabbi is offering circumcisions via the Internet. The service is to be called..."E-MOIL"
Wishing all a happy and healthy Passover filled with the blessings of good health and happiness

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