Wednesday, July 1, 2015

He swam up to what he thought was a dead whale, what happened next was amazing

blue seas artist Shlomo Yehudayan

In my goal of walking the land of Israel we go to Beit Shmuel in Jerusalem and see the exhibit by Shlomo Yehudayan

Accentuate The Positive

Consciously make an effort to fill your mind with positive thoughts. Practice focusing on the hundreds of positive aspects of your life. Be aware of your ability to see, talk, walk, etc.

Thoughts always keep racing through your mind, so gently keep your focus on all the positive details of your life. Realize that you are the one who chooses what thoughts to dwell on. Choose those thoughts which enhance your life.

Love Yehuda Lave

Saving a whale

Arnold Schwarzenegger spooks his fans

Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new  Chief Samurai.  After a year, only three applied for the job:  a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills!"  commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly.
He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
"What a feat!" said the Emperor.  "Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly.  He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor.  "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai ";?
The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and  *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around! In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
"Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai.  "Dead is easy ~ but circumcised?"

Puns for Educated Minds


The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.



I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.



A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.



No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.



A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.



A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.



Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.



A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.       



Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



Atheism is a non-prophet organization.



Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'



I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.



A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'



The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.



The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.



A backward poet writes inverse.



In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.



When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.



If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.



A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'     



Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'



Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.



Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'



Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.



There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.