| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE AMERICAN JOKES OF THE WEEK Signs you are in America a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance. -- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. -- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes in the front. -- Banks leave both vault doors open, but pens are chained to the counters. -- Expensive cars sit in the driveways and useless junk fills garages. -- people use voice mail to screen calls and call waiting to catch every call they might miss. -- Drive-Up ATM machines feature Braille lettering A recent Survey found that when the question was asked "what's your opinion about the food scarcity in the rest of the world?" Each nation had its own response.
- Russia: "Opinion? What's that?" - Africa: "Food? What's that?" - Europe: "Scarcity? What's that?" - USA: "rest of the world? What's that?" Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion.
Why are so many Americans stupid? Cause they shoot the ones that go to school
What is the difference between Americans and IT support? Americans don't have troubleshooting.
Why do Americans go fishing with a gun? So they get the whole school.
Do u know why Hashem created wars? to teach Americans geography
What do you call a worker in America that will work hard for reasonable pay and never whine? An immigrant.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
An American couple is driving through Canada and stops at a gas station to fuel up. As the man goes into the station to pay, his wife calls out to him, "Ask them where we are!" So the husband walks in, pays, and asks, "By the way, where are we?" To which the attendant answers, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan." The man goes back to his car and the wife asks, "Where are we?" "He doesn't speak English" replies the husband. President Biden ordered an F16 missile attack to destroy the Chinese spy balloon. Americans are thrilled. It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation.
True Story-On a recent trip to Washington, D.C.my friend overheard a patriotic father pointing out a well-known building to his son. "You see that triangular-shaped octagon over there? That's the Pentagon.
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language? An American.
True story-"I'm American and I'm sick of people saying USA is the stupidest country in the world. Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world."
Another true story- An American tourist last summer asks me quite innocently: "It's the 4th of July tomorrow. How do you guys celebrate it here?" OYYY.. I love America.
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