Insults bother us because we're upset that someone failed to show us the honor and approval we demand.
But look objectively at our planet in relationship to the entire universe, and you will realize how ludicrous it is to be upset over such matters. Seen from outer space, our planet is merely a speck of dust, and we individual in
Love Yehuda Lave
Hula Valley and the Jordan Valley with Kiryat Shemona Yeshiva trip on March 21st
The Final Exam
Of course, no cell phones allowed... Love it! Talk about the wisdom of Solomon, this Professor was a genius! --At PennStateUniversity, there were foursophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These fourfriends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a bigparty. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to PennState untilearly Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a testbooklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points.
Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy ...then they turned the page. On the second page was written...
For 95 points:Which Tire? _________
G-d's Plan for Aging
Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His Wisdom G-d decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking.
And G-d looked down and saw that it was good.
Then G-d saw there was another need. In His Wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch.
And G-d looked down and saw that it was good.
Then G-d considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.
G-d looked down and saw that it was good.
So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's G-d's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.
There are nine (9) Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older
#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart.
If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed him/her for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and he/she won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird..
Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.
Please share this wisdom with others while I go to the bathroom.
If there is no God, murder isn't wrong. You may *think* it's wrong, but how do you *know* it's wrong?
Subject: NOT ME?
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD. YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE. MY NAME IS ALICE, AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST WHEN I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL. "YES, YES I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE. "WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED. HE ANSWERED, "IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?" "YOU WERE IN MY CLASS," I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED FACED, , GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"