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RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE GUN JOKES OF THE WEEK
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone? -a VEGUN Two IT techs are at the local gun range. After about 10 minutes of practice, one of the techs isn't able to hit the target. The other looks at him and says "What is your problem?" The embarrassed IT tech puts his head down and says, "Troubleshooting." Yankel is standing on long line when in the bank when a gruff anti-semite comes in and cuts him the line telling him Jews have to wait. All of a sudden a man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money. Once he is given the money, he turns to the first person in line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?" The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly. He then turned to Yankel and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?" Yankel replied, "No sir, I didn't, but he sure did!" I don't understand people who commit violent crimes with guns. At least become a cop first so you get paid Most gun duels in the old west could have been prevented. If only the city planners had made towns big enough for everyone. (Do kids these days even get this one…) What do you call a person who sells prosthetics and guns? An arms dealer A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money." You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry. In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?" "What do you mean strange?" "Because you sell only trumpets and guns!" "So?" "Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?" "It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun." Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone. (At least in Israel that's true…) Pierre from France, Ludwig man from Germany, and Dudu from Tel Aviv are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. As they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." Pierre said, "bring me the poison." Luidwig said, "bring me the gun" And Berel said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. Pierre said, "Viva la France!" And drank the poison and died. Ludwig said, "God save the Fatherland!" And shot himself and died. Dudu started stabbing himself with the fork and said "Let's see you make a canoe out of this! " A couple wakes up in the middle of the night to find a thief in their bedroom The thief points a gun at the couple. "Now that you've seen me, I have to kill you both. Tell me your names and you won't suffer. I remember all my victims by their names." The woman says "Stephanie." "Wow. I can't kill you after all.. Stephanie was my Mother's name." He points the gun at the man and asks his name. "Phil. But all my friends call me Stephanie." What do you call a molecule of sodium carrying a gun? A salt with a deadly weapon Argued with a shop assistant and she hit me with her labeling gun. Now there's a price on my head. What do you call a machine gun loaded with tranquilizers? A Snuzi Biden will NEVER get my guns. I keep them upstairs… | 
