RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE ENEMY JOKES OF THE WEEK Genie granted me one wish, but with a condition that my enemy will get two times more I asked for 120/80 blood pressure My dad said that I'm my own worst enemy. I've been thinking about it for ages. Why can't I be my own *best* enemy? I must be terrible at that too. Out of all the enemy leaders during World War II, who could run with the most speed? Mussolini, because he was the fascist Toward the end of the service, the Rabbi asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" 80% held up their hands. The Rabbi then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady. "Mrs. Goldberg? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly. "Mrs. Goldberg, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," she replied. "Oh, Mrs. Goldberg, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?" The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived em all." I once killed an enemy soldier by cutting off his feet. I defeated him. Forgiving your enemy brings you one step closer to God But pushing him down a Flight of stairs brings him to God faster A third grade teacher had her students ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral for their homework one day. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. But then the teacher realized that only Katie was left. "Katie, do you have a story to share?" ''Yes ma'am... My Mommy told me a story about my Dad." "OK, let's hear it," said the teacher. "My Dad was a Marine pilot in Iraq and his plane got hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. He drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then his parachute landed him right in the middle of 20 enemy fighters. He shot 15 of them with the pistol, until he ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then he killed the last one with her bare hands." ''Oh my!" said the horrified teacher. "What did your Mommy tell you was the moral to this story?" "Stay away from Daddy when he's drunk!!!" "Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride into enemy's eyes?" "Yes, that's assault." "I know its a salt but, is it a crime? Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy... - Bahrain - Lebanon - Qatar - United Arab Emirates - Egypt - Syria - Jordan - Iran - Iraq - Saudi Arabia - Algeria - Morocco - Yemen - Oman - Kuwait 1. Israel Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy. but the Bible says love your enemy. This one hurts… How many guns do the Israel need to combat an enemy? Two: one to shoot and one to give him to shoot back. OUCH!
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