| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S FUNNY IGNORE JOKES OF THE WEEK In the city, you ignore sirens and listen for gunshots. In the country, you ignore gunshots and listen for sirens. In Detroit, you ignore both. As a true American Patriot I always put phone numbers I want to ignore under the contact "Freedom". Because I always let Freedom Ring. Moshe is waiting on the platform at the station. He notices a Jewish man standing nearby and asks him for the time. But the man ignores him. Moshe then asks him again, and the man responds in the same way. Frustrated, Moshe asks "Excuse me, but I've asked you for the time twice, why are you ignoring me" Suddenly, the man looks up and says, "We're both waiting for the train, if I answer you, then when we get on the train you will come and sit next to me, we will probably start talking, and I may invite you to my house for Shabbat, there you will meet my daughter, you will probably like her, you may eventually want to marry her, and to be honest with you, WHY WOULD I WANT A SON IN LAW WHO CAN'T AFFORD A WATCH?" My wife has been addicted to Netflix lately and has started to ignore me... ...So I went ahead and renewed the subscription for another 10 years. i tried to ignore my girlfriend's bulimia. but she kept bringing it back up Berel woke up one Shabbos morning in a bad mood. When he came down to breakfast, he put on his yarmulka and sat across the table from his visiting sister, Sarah. "I'm not going to shul today!" he said to Sarah emphatically. "Yes you are." Sarah replied calmly. "No I'm not . . . I don't think I really want to ever go again!" Berel said with obvious irritation. "The people down there don't like me, they ignore me sometimes . . . they don't appreciate me at all . . . and I won't go back." "Yes, you will go today, and you will continue", said Sarah with confidence. And, I'll give you two reasons. Number one, you're 45 years old ... and Number two, you're the Rabbi!" They say Donald Trump was charged with crimes that would have been ignored if someone else had committed them. I guess orange really is the new black. (OK not all of you will get this… But if you do it's funny…- but don't try too hard…) Is it ok to ignore dumplings in my Chinese takeout? Or will I be charged with wonton neglect? You know what happens to those who ignore the past? They usually fail their history exam. I get ignored so much. My name should be Terms and Conditions. Arguing with your wife is like reading a software license agreement......in the end, you ignore it all and click "I agree". One day, I asked my English Teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H ...in Hour, Honour. ...etc. ...?????? My English Teacher said, " We are not ignoring them; they're considered silent "....... I was even more confused. During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria. I ate all the food and returned her the empty container. My English Teacher : What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container. I replied, "sir, I thought 'H' was silent. I asked my acupuncturist to use smaller needles this time, but they ignored me. I've never felt so stabbed in the back. A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels and orders a fine Pilsner beer. The bowl of pretzels then says "Ooooh, a pilsner, great choice. You're a smart man." Starting to freak out, the guy says to the bartender "Hey what the heck is going on, this bowl of pretzels keeps saying nice things to me!" Bartender says "Don't worry about it, the pretzels are complimentary." | 
