RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE KING JOKES OF THE WEEK There once was a king who was 12 inches tall.He was a terrible king but a great ruler… A king has 3 cups in front of him. The first 2 cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name? King Philip III What happens when the King leaves the toilet? A Royal Flush. Once upon a time, a King wanted to have some fun. He went on a podium and said loudly: "I will give half of my fortune to anyone who manages to tell me a lie that I, myself, admit that it's a lie." An old man walked to the King and said: "I can draw rainbows wherever I want." The King replied: "That's true, I saw you making one yesterday and it was really pretty." A soldier then walked to the King while everyone stared at him, and said: "Your majesty, I have a gun that shoots atomic bombs." The King quickly said: "That's great, and by the way, good job on Hiroshima." After hearing all that, the kingdom was discouraged to ask any further questions because it would simply end the same; the King can always find a way to dodge that lie. Almost desperate, a young Jewish boy named Bereleh, approached the King holding a barrel and loudly said: "I lent you a barrel of gold last week". The King said: "That's a lie." The boy replied: "Give me half of your fortune then!" The King quickly said: "Wait, I remember, you did lend you me barrel of gold last week." Smirking, Bereleh shouted: "Give it back to me then." What's it called when a King and Queen have no children? A receding heir-line. Which of King Arthur's knights was chosen to make the round table? Sir Cumference Why did none of the women King Midas dated want to marry him? They got gold feet. A king had 10 wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him. A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all, so he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs. The minister said, "I served you loyally 10 years and you do this..? The king was unrelenting. The Minister pleaded "Please give me 10 days before you throw me to the dogs" The king agreed. In those 10 days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days. The guard was baffled, but he agreed. So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them. So when the 10 days were up, the king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced. When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister and licking his feet. The king was baffled at what he saw. "what happened to the dogs? !!!” He growled. The minister then said;” I served the dogs for only 10 days and they didn’t forget my service… Yet I served you for 10 years and you forgot all at the first mistake!”… The king realised his mistake and replaced the dogs with crocodiles !! My friend is such a big fan of the Royal Family, each of his four sons are named after a king. **Henry** **George** **Charles** **Burger.** There's a depressed king back in the 14th century. And nothing could cheer him up. Eventually the royal advisor hired a new fool to entertain the king. The clown was very funny, and most of the court laughed, but the king merely sighed, and then turned towards his advisor. "I don't think this worked Henry, but I appreciate the jester." King Henry VIII had six wives. He beheaded two of them. Those were his axe wives. |