An important rule in communicating with others is anticipating how the other person will react. Keep asking yourself, "What is my present goal in what I'm saying?"
Be flexible. If your first approach does not get desired results, try another approach. For example, if you are trying to calm someone and what you say increases his anger, try saying something else or speaking in a different tone of voice.
When one strategy doesn't work, try another. This sounds obvious, but it's amazing how often this simple rule is violated. People tend to continue the familiar even when it does not bring them their desired results.
In communicating with another person always keep your goal in mind and ask yourself, "Am I getting closer or further away from my goal?"
Yesterday, I had a serious communication problem with a good friend. Like most human beings, he became emotional about something that was important to him, yet did not communicate to me that this was important to him, in a way that I received it. He tried to say it, but in an inappropriate way so I didn't get what he really wanted. Once I understood what he really wanted, I had no problem in giving him what was important to him, because if he was wrong, he would pay the price anyway. If it had been more important, I might have stood my ground more, but since I could find a way to give him what he wanted, I did, once I know what it was.
Since he didn't receive my communication by normal channels, I used a mediation technique with his own wife to get him to listen to me and for me to understand him. I was taking a big chance, because normally a person's wife is not an objective listener and I might have not been able to be able to get her to listen to me. Here, however, since I know I am G-d's hands at all times, I trusted that since she was the only person who my friend might listen to, she would be objective enough to hear what was best for all.
Love Yehuda
