| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S BEST ISLAND JOKES OF THE WEEK Berel, Yankel, and Ephraim were stranded on a deserted island. One day Al found an old jar in the sand. When the jar was opened, a genie came out and said to them, "You have freed me from my jar. For the rest of your time on this island, I am obligated to grant each of you one wish per year. But no wishing anyone, including yourself, off the island." "In that case," said Berel, "I wish for 365 sefarim, so that I can learn one per day for a year." Instantly, 365 books appeared. "I wish for 365 cans of beer," said Yankel, "so that I can drink one per day for a year." Instantly, 365 cans of beer appeared. "I wish for 365 cigarettes," said Ephraim, "so that I can smoke one per day for a year." Instantly, 365 cigarettes appeared, and the genie disappeared back into the jar. A year later, the genie came back out of the jar to grant Berel, Yankel, and Ephraim another wish. "I wish for 365 more books," said Berel. Instantly, 365 more books appeared. "I wish for 365 more cans of beer," said Yankel. Instantly, 365 more cans of beer appeared. Ephraim looked sternly at the genie and said, "I wish for a lighter." I was stranded on an island with nothing but dark red grass, dark red sand, dark red trees everything was dark red. "AHHH!" I yelled "I've been marooned!" A Dutch, English and Chinese man survive a boat accident and wash up on an island. They need food, water and supplies to survive the night. The Dutch guys says that he will gather the food, the English man will get water and the Chinese man is send for supplies. When the Dutch and the English man come back with food and water the Chinese man is nowhere to be found. They wait a bit till they can't wait longer and start preparing the food. The Dutch and English guy start eating and out of nowhere the Chinese guy jumps out the bushes and shouts: " SUPPLIES!! ". Did you hear that Elon Musk is planning to buy the entire island of Madagascar? He's planning to rename it Madaelectriccar Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 Shul pledge check yet?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our School tuition dues yet?" "Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Vaad Ha'Bayit house dues in Israel this month?" he asks. "Oh, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either." Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?" Abe answers, "They'll find us!" If I was stranded on a desert island I would take along a deck of cards. Because everyone knows after about 20 minutes of playing solitaire someone will come up behind you and tell you you're doing something wrong. (OK not everyone will get this one…) The cast of Friends got shipwrecked on an deserted island... Monica, Joey and Chandler were left behind because in real life David is a Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow. What happens when you claim an island by pishing on it? Urination (did I really just include that… oyyy…) A shipwrecked mariner has spent several years on a deserted island, completely alone. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out towards him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him: "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued." | 
