Sunday, February 19, 2017

Yearly Dementia Test

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Rabbi Yehuda Lave

Release Stress and Tension

As you keep building up a greater appreciation for being alive, you realize that tension can be a reminder that you are alive. Every moment of life is precious and is a reason to celebrate the fact that you are alive.

Thinking is a reminder that your brain is working. Since your brain is working you can choose to say to yourself, "Right now, I am alive and I choose to release all stress and tension."

Let any form of needless stress remind you to create mental scenes that are conducive to being calm and relaxed. You might have a favorite serene scene, or you might enjoy creating new ones.

Tell your entire muscular system, "Muscles, relax." Hear your muscles responding, "Thank you for reminding me to loosen up and let go."

Love Yehuda Lave

Take Our Test: How Logical Are You?

Yearly Dementia Test


Your Yearly Dementia Test !     (only 4 questions this year)



Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test.


Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.

As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert.

If you don't use it, you will lose it !!!


Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test.

Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.


Take this test to determine if you're losing it or not.


The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've answered.


OK, RELAX, clear your mind and begin.







#1. What do you put in a toaster ?




















Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else.


And, try not to hurt yourself.    If you said, bread, go to Question #2.








# 2. Say 'silk' ten times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink ?




















Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.


Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat.


Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World.


However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.














# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from ?
























Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.




If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading this ???   PLEASE, go lie down !










But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.












# 4. Please do not use a calculator for this for it would be cheating:




You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.


In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.


In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.


In Windsor, 2 people get off and 4 get on.


In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.


In Bristol, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.


And, in Camden, 6 people get off and 3 get on.




You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.






Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver ?



























Answer: Oh, for crying out loud !








Don't you remember your own age?!?! It was YOU driving the bus!








If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.




PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!


Sorry for all the spaces. You'd be tempted to cheat otherwise.


Jokes on aging


 I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.



 You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? 
That's common sense leaving your body.


I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.


I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim".  I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.  (I love this one!!!!)


Old age is coming at a really bad time.    When I was a child I thought "Nap Time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.


The biggest lie I tell myself is."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."


I don't have grey hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.


If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.


Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.



Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?



Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.


At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.


I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work.  I get an allowance every month.  I have my own pad.  I don't have a curfew.  I have a driver's license and my own car.  I have ID that gets me into bars and the whisky store.  The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
And I don't have acne.


Life is great. I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I  can't remember their names.

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See you tomorrow--Love Yehuda Lave

Rabbi Yehuda Lave

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