|  	                                                                                      International Threats 2017 - John Cleese                                                                           NEW - Alerts To Threats In 2017 Europe  The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and havetherefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security
 levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have
 not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
 Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." Thelast time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when
 threatened by the Spanish Armada.
 The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Ba----rds."They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front
 line of the British army for the last 300 years.
 The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert levelfrom "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and
 "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white
 flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
 Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "ElaborateMilitary Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and
 "Change Sides."
 The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dressin Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a
 Neighbour" and "Lose."
 Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they areworried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels'.
 The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. Thesebeautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a
 really good look at the old Spanish navy.
 Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll beright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel
 the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever
 warranted use of the last final escalation level.
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