| Subject: Classic Yiddish Jokes A Rabbi approaches a guest in Shul and says, "I'd like to
give you an Aliyah (an invitation to participate in the Torah reading). What is your name?" The man answers, "Esther ben Moshe." The Rabbi says, "No, I need YOUR name." "It's Esther ben Moshe," the man says." "How can that be your name?" asks the Rabbi. The man answers, "I've been having financial problems, so everything now is in my wife's name." DOCTOR BLOOM Doctor Bloom, who was known for miraculous cures for
arthritis, had a waiting-room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and emerged within half an hour walking completely erect, with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle!
You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?" She answered, "Miracle, shmiracle. . . he gave me a longer cane." THE DIFFERENCES The Italian says, "I'm thirsty. I must have wine."
The Frenchman says, "I'm thirsty. I must have cognac."
The Russian says, "I'm thirsty. I must have vodka."
The German says, "I'm thirsty. I must have beer."
The Mexican says, "I'm thirsty. I must have tequila."
The Jewish man says, "I'm thirsty. I must have diabetes." EVENING PRAYERS When young David was asked by his father to
say the evening prayer, he realized he didn't have his head covered, so he asked his little brother, Henry, to rest a hand on his head until prayers were over. Henry grew impatient after a few minutes and removed his hand. The father said, "This is important ... put your hand back on his head!" to which Henry exclaimed, "What, am I - my brother's kippah?" PHILANTHROPY A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium.
He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.
He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?" "No," replied the guide. "It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer." "Never heard of him," said the visitor. "What did he write?" "A check," replied the guide. ROWING TEAM Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours every day, they never manage to come in any better than dead last. Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge, Mass., and hides in the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully watches the Harvard team at its daily practice. After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva.
"Well, I figured out their secret," he announces. "What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout. "We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight
should row." | 
