| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE CONSOLATION JOKES OF THE WEEK How do you comfort a grieving sushi chef? Wasabi for your loss.
How do you comfort a sad non binary person ? They're/Their
How do you comfort an Grammar teacher? There, their, they're.
Some philosopher said "Change does not come from a place of comfort.", but he was wrong.
I'm always finding loose coins in my couch. A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband's funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?"
"No, go right ahead," the woman replied. The man stands, clears his throat, says "Plethora" and sits back down. "Thanks," the woman said, "that means a lot." A doctor runs a test on an elderly lady in the hospital and comes in to her room to read her the results. "I have some bad news, and some more bad news. You have cancer, and you also have Alzheimer's disease" The woman says "Well at least I don't have cancer." Yitzhak and Freda go out to see Fiddler on the Roof on stage. This is the most sold out show of the year. Somehow, they've been lucky and manage to get best seats in the front row. But they notice that there's an empty seat in the row behind them. When intermission comes and no one has sat in that seat, Freda turns to the woman sitting next to the empty seat and asks, "Pardon me, but as this is such a sold out show and in such demand, we were wondering why that seat is empty." The woman says, "That's my late husband's seat." Freda is horrified and apologizes for being so insensitive. But a few minutes later, she turns around again. "Without meaning to be rude or anything, this is an incredibly hard show to get into. Surely you must have a friend or a relative who would have wanted to come and see the show?" The woman nods, but explains, "They're all at the shiva." A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here." He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last." And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here. So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?" | 
