Sunday, October 18, 2009

Due to Budget Cuts and Live and Let Live

Live and Let Live

Happy people have a vast amount of things that they consider to be okay. We all have our limits.

But we can develop attitudes and reactions that enable us to accept, tolerate, and ignore many of the things

that annoy, irritate, and frustrate unhappy people.

Some people need things to be "just so" for them to feel comfortable and happy.

The more rules and specifics that are needed for this, the more likely that a person will experience much unhappiness.

Are there any people you dread interacting with? Those with a low threshold of okay-ness are often in this category.

They demand that everything has to be exactly as they wish it to be for them to be satisfied. These people are

highly critical of others. They get annoyed at others for minor and trivial matters that are not to their liking.

Don't be one of them for your own benefit and the welfare of those who interact with you. Forgive them. Many times, as

one of my friends just told me, it is because they had critical parents.

Develop a sense of perspective. Keep asking yourself, "How important is this for me to fulfill my life's mission?"

The clearer you are about which values are truly important to you, the easier it will be for you to accept and cope well

with trivial and minor aspects of life that are not just the way you would have wanted them to be.


Love Yehuda

DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE


NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing
you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every
effort should be made to have non-employees attend the
funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where
employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to
allow you to work through your lunch hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.




Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management