Yehuda Lave is an author, journalist, psychologist, rabbi, spiritual teacher and coach, with degrees in business, psychology and Jewish Law. He works with people from all walks of life and helps them in their search for greater happiness, meaning, business advice on saving money, and spiritual engagement
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Spirituality - The 5 Ingredients of a Great Marriage
How to make this relationship thing work.
God knows a lot about us, even more than Dr. Phil, Dr. Laura and Dr. Ruth combined. And one of the first things He did after creating Man was to put him in a relationship. "It's not good for Man to be alone."
And that's when the fun began. Ever since, we've been trying to figure it out. How does this relationship thing work? Sure, we know all about the benefits, but it sure would be nice to have a smoother ride.
How do I build a relationship on strong footing and make sure it keeps growing?
How do I avoid some of the pain and distress that inevitably comes?
What rules can I follow to make my marriage work?
Why must it always be so complicated?
I suppose thousands of "experts" and amateurs alike have tried to answer questions like these throughout the millennia. To the best of my knowledge nobody seems to have gotten it right yet. So, I don't have much to lose. Why not give it whirl?
So, based on my 30 or so years as a therapist and a few more years of marriage, here then is my "short list" of relationship essentials.
But first a few disclaimers:
I do not include trust, respect, and love on my list. Without these basics, a relationship is not even getting to first base.
What follows is not an all-inclusive menu. But, then again, relationships are far more complex than fine cuisine. And life is a lot more expensive than a fancy restaurant.
I do not claim to live as the perfect example of what I describe here. Just ask my wife.
1. Mutual Goals:
She might be the most generous, most charismatic, most intelligent, and most attractive person in the Universe. But if you want to raise a large family, live in Darfur, and utilize hypnotherapy to change the world, and she wants to contemplate geomorphology and live in a cabin in Vermont, it's not going to work very well.
Fortunately, when our life goals are so diametrically polarized we usually recognize the disparity. But more often, we enter a relationship without formulating any goals at all. We mistake commonality for mutuality and find out too late that we view life very differently. Sharing a passion for sushi or zydeco music is a rather paltry foundation for a marriage. Yet it happens every day.
You may not be 100% certain about your objectives in life. That's okay. But you do need to know enough about them to see if your relationship mate is on the same page...or at least the same chapter. Without goals or objectives, your relationship will lack a bearing and a direction and over time, will stagnate.
Everyone wants to be appreciated. But great relationships take this concept much further.
Each of you contributes different qualities to the relationship. These qualities are rarely balanced. While one may give the bulk of the financial support, the other may carry the social and emotional responsibility. True appreciation means that you really value what the other one brings to the table and are grateful for every contribution.
And those involved in relationships that are uniquely special, do exactly that. They see and understand the characteristics that make their partner special. They convey that feeling in a sincere and loving way. And they never lose sight of what makes them exceptional.
3. Reaching out and Taking in:
Giving and taking are the ways in which our needs get satisfied. And in every good relationship, balance of these concepts is essential. But that doesn't mean that each of us must give 50% and take 50%. Some of us are heavily wired to give, while others are programmed to receive (mostly).
Real balance is achieved when you understand how it works in each unique relationship. You may be very generous with your money, but less so with your time. You may be very needy of compliments and affirmation but material gifts and possessions are meaningless to you. So one party may end up doing 70% of the giving, but the balance can still be perfect.
The key is: know yourself and know the other party in the relationship. When you know what you need most and what you are capable of giving, the delivery system works. The better you know yourselves and each other, the better you'll both be able to get what you need and give what you should.
This is probably the most over-used and least understood concept in the world. Simply, communicating is the activity of conveying information. But in the context of creating a fabulous relationship, it is much more than that. It is the means by which feelings and emotions are transmitted and processed.
Naturally, words are the building blocks of good communication. But much of how we feel and what we need is conveyed through body language, mood, and expression. When a relationship is in trouble, the parties often complain that they cannot be expected to "read minds." But being able to read your partner's mind really well is often a telltale sign that a special closeness exists and that the communication is of a very high level.
Mind reading should never be an expectation, but it can be an exhilaration. Couples who have attained an exceptional level of togetherness often report a unique ability to "know" exactly what their spouse feels and thinks and desires at any given time. Of course, this requires a dedication and a commitment to being totally in tune with one another. And it does take some serious time to develop.
And being a good communicator does not mean that you feel free to "bare your soul" and "let it all hang out." That's like saying that freedom means being able to do whatever you want. That's life in today's warped blogosphere. True freedom is the ability to intelligently evaluate your choices before acting. And communicating well involves an assessment of what to say and when and how to say it -- and also, when to say absolutely nothing at all.
5. Healing with Forgiveness:
Life is short...and complicated...and precious. If you allow your sensitivities to dominate, you will forever be depressed and resentful. You may also find yourself pretty lonely. Nobody wants to bond with people who are stuck in the victim role all the time.
A great relationship does not get bogged down by life's miscues; it moves on. People are not perfect; they are far from it. We all make mistakes, all the time. We say the wrong things, we are impatient and callous, we are selfish and demanding, and on top of all that we always think we are right. But children hold grudges; mature adults allow for imperfection and forgive. They see the big picture and weigh the indiscretions with appropriate measure.
And your ability to admit when you are wrong goes a long way in helping the forgiving process to develop and to endure. It is so difficult to utter those three magical words, "I was wrong," that I often recommend that people should stand in the front of the mirror and repeat the phrase 20 or 30 times a day -- just to get more comfortable with it. (You can start with five.)
Anticipating the oncoming red flags is a great way to avoid the need for forgiveness. If you know that your partner just can't stand having to wait for you, making that extra effort to be on time becomes essential. If clutter drives her up the wall, make it your business to be tidier – even though neatness may be totally unimportant to you.
Like every great M.A.R.C.H, the key is synchronization. When everybody stays in line, keeps focus, and plays their music, the result is a beautiful parade.
Let the band play!
Shofer so great and JerichoPassover2019
During Chul Hamoed 2019 we go out to my friend Robert who lives near Jericho in an area Called En Hajla next to the Gerasimons Monastery. He has hundreds of acres being developed and trying to make the desert bloom. Robert is also known as Shofer so Great and he brings unusual shofers for sale to the public.
The fifth generation of broadband connection, 5G, is much more than a faster network connection that enables users to instantly download and watch videos.
1G enables users to talk on the phone, 2G to send messages, 3G to surf the Internet and receive and transfer broad data packages, and 4G allows users to do all the above, but faster. 5G not only speeds things up considerably, but changes the way devices connect to the Internet.
5G uses millimeter wave technology, which consists of radio waves in high frequency. AM radio signals, for example, are composed of waves that can reach longer distances, but with lower quality than FM signals, which are constrained to city boundaries yet deliver better sound. 5G, on the other hand, stands out as a frequency much higher than any other mobile technology currently on the market. Higher frequency means it can both carry a greater amount of data and deliver it faster. The drawback, however, is that the signal can only reach a distance of around 300 meters. The infrastructure necessary to adopt such technology, therefore, requires building transmitting stations close to one another thus creating a network.
Self-driving cars are the most notable examples of 5G technology. Such vehicles equipped with 5G technology have a reaction response rate of just 1 millisecond, compared to human reaction of 200-300 milliseconds.
Since the response rate of cars driving with 5G technology is much faster than human reaction time, the probability of crashes and traffic jams are close to zero for the reason that such cars emitting and receiving signals from one another know each other's exact location.
While 4G technology is fast enough to permit such data transfer, another significant difference between 4G and 5G is that the latter uses a technique called MIMO (multiple-input multiple-output), in which cells contain multiple antennae that can communicate with multiple devices simultaneously and enable multiple bitstreams of data. In other words, the signal can supply several devices, such as mobile phones, televisions, cars, drones and airplanes that receive signals through the same node, under the same area, without losing strength.
In short, it goes beyond mobile technology.
| Israel's Best Kept Secret For Businesses: Hire Senior Citizens
by Sybil Kaplan
A couple of years ago, a new campaign started for senior citizens which did not sound very promising, despite its rather wacky name.
"Tuesdays in Suspenders" offered seniors discounts on movie tickets, certain purchases and museum entrances.
We are talking—Israel.
The article was entitled "So They Finally Recognized the Value of Seniors."
Julian Landau, an 80-year-old who came to Israel from the U.S. in 1969 and now is Jerusalem President of the Association of Americans and Canadians in Israel, which offers many services to seniors, spoke with your reporter candidly about this issue.
"The Israel government treats its citizens poorly," he stated, because the main thing it gives them--whether they are natives or immigrants--is a pension. But who can live on under 2,000 NIS a month?"
Actually, U.S. citizens who meet the requirements of the Social Security administration can also receive US Social Security.
In or out of the work force, seniors are guaranteed excellent health care, and its services are mandatory including primary care and special care, general hospitalization, rehabilitative care and ongoing treatments. Four health funds provide health services and offer supplementary health insurance.
If they worked in Israel, pension funds were deducted from their salary and are payable after retirement. For those who worked in Israel, left and then returned, today there is a new web site to find out if there is pension money waiting for you that was deducted in previous years
One important issue is "old age" is not what it used to be, because people up to the age of 80 and older are active and can contribute to the economy, as a survey revealed in April of 2012.
In an article entitled, "Senior citizen employment vital to Israeli economy," the survey by the Jerusalem Institute for Market Studies revealed that 30 per cent of Israeli senior citizens who are not working are able to work and their net employment would be worth 6.4 billion shekels in income.
A whopping 70% of Israel's seniors want to work. "Keeping them out of the labor force is clearly a great economic loss to Israel and a personal loss for each of them," said Zev Golan, co-author of the study.
According to Keren Harel-Harari, the study's other author. "Senior citizens are ignored, though many of them want to work and many of them were working until they were forced or encouraged not to."
In Jerusalem, there are a large number of senior citizen residences (where I lecture) and approximately ten have a sizeable number of English-speaking residents. These Batei Avot (Seniors Residences) are visited by volunteer members of the AACI at least once a month and every homebound member is visited on the eve of holidays, receiving a small gift.
In addition to the benefits accruing from membership in AACI itself, the Seniors Division conducts activities and programs of special interest to seniors and their needs.
New immigrant seniors receive an "absorption basket" of money upon arrival in the country and for a period of time over the next year or so. There are special ulpanim (language classes) for women over the age of 60 and men over the age of 65 which last for more months than for younger students, have less hours of classes, are geared to the older students and where teachers pay more attention to their needs. Apartment rental subsidies and mortgages are available to seniors, and there are various forms of housing available such as nursing homes, partial-support homes and retirement buildings.
Senior citizens can purchase monthly discounted transportation cards and frequently, if you ask, there are senior citizen discounts for other things.
So a word to employers, next time you have an opening, consider making it known that seniors are welcome to apply if qualified.
Sybil Kaplan is an active senior, experienced as an editor of fiction and non-fiction, memoirs, and cookbooks in American English. She is author of 6 children's books, an autobiography (Witness to History—Ten Years as a Woman Journalist in Israel) and has compiled 9 kosher cookbooks (currently working on her 10th). As the "shuk lady," she created and leads weekly walks in English in Machaneh Yehudah; she writes features on Jerusalem's kosher restaurants, accompanied by her senior husband photographer for Janglo.net.
DICK VAN DYKE- 93, CARL REINER- 97, MEL BROOKS- 92 AND NORMAN LEAR- 96.
On A Hill Near Shchem,"
Conversation between Rabbi Kahane and the soldiers of Israel
[Today the house of the brother- in-law of Rav Binyamin Kahane in West Tapuach was destroyed because the Arabs said it belonged to them. The Supreme Court agreed with the Leftist to demolish the house and throw out a family with 8 children bg]
"Why do you have to give us such a hard time?" asked one soldier. "I am not the only one who gives you a hard time," I replied, "you are the ones who are breaking the law. The law says that a Jew must live in Eretz Yisroel and settle everywhere, and you prevent it." "The only law that we have is the government, and you are violating it. Besides, we want peace and you are destroying the chances for peace." "And you really believe that by giving up Sinai and giving the Arabs Judea and Samaria, you will have peace? Don't you remember how they went to war when they had the Sinai and Judea-Samaria?" The soldiers had now gathered around me and one said: "But things are different today!" "How do you know?" I shot back, "Why do you risk the state by trusting an enemy that started for wars?" "We have to gamble! It is impossible to keep on fighting. I am willing to take the risk." It was clear that this was the view of most of the soldiers, almost all of whom were irreligious.
"I'll tell you," I said. "If you really want to gamble, trust me – not the Arabs. I tell you that if you will all put on tefillin for a month, the Messiah will come. And if you gamble on tefillin and the Messiah does not come, what have you lost."
. . . Tomorrow would be Friday, Begin was coming home. At the airport he would be greeted by thousands of cheering Israelis and he would cry out to them: "I have brought you peace!" Voices. Voices. Voices. From yet another airport; from yet another Prime Minister; to yet another cheering crowd. "I have brought you peace in our time . . ." It was Chamberlain coming home from Munich. The bus started up and the settlement had come to an end. This time there was no singing.
"The Second Revolution,"
While no other Prime Minister used the name of G-d, Begin mouths it and then gives away Jewish rights because Jimmy Carter, in his eyes, is more real. Fear of being isolate? Trembling at the fact that no newspapers supported Israel? Worry over the loss of allies? The redemption of the Jewish people will come with the greatest grandeur precisely when Israel is isolated! And these are the words of the Prophet Isaiah as he envisioned the final redemption, words we read in the synagogue on the week before Rosh Hashanah; words that were mouthed without listening to them or understanding them. The Prophet speaks of the anger and vengeance of G-d against Israel's enemies'
"I have trodden in the winepress ALONE, and of the nations THERE WAS NONE WITH ME. . . For the day of vengeance is in My heart, and the year of My redemption is come. And I looked and there was none to help . . . therefore has My own arm brought salvation . . ." (Isaiah 63:3-5)
Not through Jimmy Carter are we saved, and not through allies and gentile salvation. Begin, who gave into pressure, is no better than all the others whom he so bitterly criticized when he was in opposition. Fear of the gentile has taken precedence over the awe of G-d, that is the heart of the problem. That is why Begin brought home, not peace, but war. For peace will only come when He who creates and grants peace will agree. That agreement can never come in response to violation of Torah and to Hillel Hashem.
Perhaps a final note. All that I have written would have been bad enough. But there might have been some mitigation had Begin, at least stand before the people gravely, sadly, in sorrow and said: "This is a black day for us. But we had no choice." I would have differed with him then, too, and been angry. But at least we would have been spared the sight of a huge and happy welcome at the airport – so strikingly similar to the return of Chamberlain. At least, Begin might not have pretend that he had brought us good tidings and peace. At least, he would have been honest.
Written in The Jewish Press October 1978
An Interview with Rabbi Meir Kahane,
Kahane Magazine, April 1978, p.22
There is a truth, a Jewish truth that no one speaks today. The Jewish Idea has been corrupted and silenced. There must be one person who is prepared to speak the entire truth in the truthful way. No one else speaks about the holocaust that must grip the Galut; no one else speaks about the need to remove the Arabs from Eretz Yisroel; no one else says that to depend on the Americans will not bring salvation but rather Divine punishment; no one else ways that if the government of Israel will not annex the lands, Divine Punishment will again strike us; no one else says that we must defy the government if it defies Jewish law; no one else speaks as a Jew, and with the Jewish Idea. That is my obligation. If I have support and if I have followers, well and good. If I am able to build an organization, so much the better. But if I have to be alone and shout out the lonely truth in that way – that will be my role.
What kind of beer did Pharaoh drink?
Team of scientists from Hebrew U, Israel's Antiquities Authority, Tel Aviv U and Bar-Ilan U create ancient alcohol from ancient yeast.
What kind of beer did Pharaoh drink? In ancient times, beer was an important ingredient in people's daily diet. Great powers were attributed to beer in the ancient world, particularly for religious worship and healing properties. The pottery used to produce beer in antiquity served as the basis for this new research. The research was led by Dr. Ronen Hazan and Dr. Michael Klutstein, microbiologists from the School of Dental Medicine at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem (HUJI). They examined the colonies of yeast that formed and settled in the pottery's nano-pores. Ultimately, they were able to use resurrect this yeast to create a high-quality beer…that's approximately 5,000 years old.
Many cooks were invited into this'beer kitchen to isolate the yeast specimens from the ancient debris and to create a beer with it. First the scientists reached out to vintners at Kadma Winery. This winery still produces wine in clay vessels, proving that yeast may be safely removed from pottery, even if it had lain dormant in the sun for years.
The yeast was then photographed by Dr. Tziona Ben-Gedalya at the Eastern R&D Center of Ariel University. Following her initial examination, the team reached out to archaeologists Dr. Yitzhak Paz from the Israel Antiquities Authority (IAI), Professor Aren Maeir at Bar Ilan University and Professors Yuval Gadot and Oded Lipschits from Tel Aviv University. These archaeologists gave them shards of pottery that had been used as beer and mead (honey wine) jugs back in ancient times—and miraculously, still had yeast specimens stuck inside. These jars date back to the reign of Egyptian Pharaoh Narmer (roughly 3000 BCE), to Aramean King Hazael (800 BCE) and to Prophet Nehemiah (400 BCE) who, according to the bible, governed Judea under Persian rule.
The researchers, with the help of HUJI student Tzemach Aouizerat, cleaned and sequenced the full genome of each yeast specimen and turned them over to Dr. Amir Szitenberg at the Dead Sea-Arava Science Center for analysis. Szitenberg found that these 5,000-year yeast cultures are similar to those used in traditional African brews, such as the Ethiopian honey wine tej, and to modern beer yeast.
Now it was time to recreate the ancient brew. Local Israeli beer expert Itai Gutman helped the scientists make the beer and the brew was sampled by Ariel University's Dr. Elyashiv Drori, as well as by certified tasters from the International Beer Judge Certification Program (BJCP), under the direction of brewer and Biratenu owner Shmuel Nakai. The testers gave the beer a thumbs up, deeming it high-quality and safe for consumption.
Dr. Ronen Hazan, Hebrew University-Hadassah School of Dental Medicine: "The greatest wonder here is that the yeast colonies survived within the vessel for thousands of years—just waiting to be excavated and grown. This ancient yeast allowed us to create beer that lets us know what ancient Philistine and Egyptian beer tasted like. By the way, the beer isn't bad. Aside from the gimmick of drinking beer from the time of King Pharaoh, this research is extremely important to the field of experimental archaeology—a field that seeks to reconstruct the past. Our research offers new tools to examine ancient methods, and enables us to taste the flavors of the past."
Dr. Yitzchak Paz, Israel Antiquities Authority: "We are talking about a real breakthrough here. This is the first time we succeeded in producing ancient alcohol from ancient yeast. In other words, from the original substances from which alcohol was produced. This has never been done before."
Prof. Yuval Gadot, Tel Aviv University's Department of Archaeology and Ancient Near Eastern Cultures: "We dug at Ramat Rachel, the largest Persian site in the Judaean kingdom, and found a large concentration of jugs with the letters J, H, D – Yahud - written on them. In a royal site like Ramat Rachel it makes sense that alcohol would be consumed at the home of the Persian governor."
Prof. Aren Maeir, Bar-Ilan University's Department of Land of Israel Studies and Archaeology: "These findings paint a portrait that supports the biblical image of drunken Philistines."