RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TWIN JOKES OF THE WEEK Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet. Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two
My friend once told me, "Your wife and daughter look like twins!" I replied, " Yeah well, they were separated at birth"
My father was born with a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth. I have an uncle, once removed.
My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls. I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted to name the second one. I answered Duplicate.
What did the Hispanic firefighter name his twins? Hose A and Hose B
What are the best kind of fruit for twins? Pears
I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met. I was beside myself.
Did you hear about the identical twin police officers? They were copies.
Molly became very sick when she was pregnant woman and she fell into a coma. After some months she wakes up in a hospital bed and as she gains consciousness she realizes that her pregnancy belly is gone. A doctor is standing next to her bed greeting her. "Hello, you have been in a coma for six months. But don't worry you are on good health and will be released soon!" She anxiously asks him "Doctor what happened? What happened to my baby?""Don't worry about it! The birth went well and your babies are alive and healthy." The doctor replies. "Babies? What do you mean babies? ""Ma'am you had twins. A boy and a girl. Your brother Chatzkel has been taking care of them since their birth.""Chatzkel? Oy Vay! He's an idiot! He's a greener from the "old country and barely speaks English. What type of old fashioned name did he give them?" The woman exclaims."He named the girl 'Denise'" The doctor says." That's not so bad." The woman replies. "What did he name the boy?"" Denephew!
A fisherman's wife gives birth to a healthy set of twins. After some time, they notice that one boy always faces toward the ocean and the other always faces away. Even if the parents were to turn them, they would always reposition themselves. So the name the boys "Toward" and "Away" respectively. On the twins' tenth birthday, the fisherman takes them on a fishing trip. He tells his wife that they will be back in a week. A week passes. Then a month. Then two. Three months pass with no word, and the wife begins to lose hope. However, one day, she saw two figures approaching from the horizon, dragging the biggest fish she'd ever seen. She runs to her husband and child and says, "Wow! That fish is gigantic!" The fisherman says, "Well, it's actually a funny story. We spent a week at sea, with no luck. However, on the last day, this beast jumped up on the deck and ate Toward whole! For three months I fought the fish, until eventually I was able to defeat it and cut Toward free.""That's amazing!", the wife says to her son, "but where's your brother?"The fisherman interrupts and says, "Well, if you think this guy is big, you should have seen the one that got Away!"
Maurice and Isaac found themselves sitting next to each other in a New York bar. After a while, Maurice looks at Isaac and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Israel." Isaac responds proudly, "I am!" Maurice says, "So am I! And where might you be from?" Isaac answers, "I'm from Jerusalem." Maurice responds, "So am I! And where did you live?" Isaac says, "A lovely little area two miles east of King David's Hotel. Not too far from the old city" Maurice says, "Unbelievable! What school did you attend?" Isaac answers, "Well, I attended Yeshiva University." Maurice gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?" Isaac answers, "I graduated in 1984." Maurice exclaims, "Amazing! This is Bashert. Hashem wanted us to meet! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from Yeshiva University in 1984 also." About this time, Moishe enters the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over to him shaking his head & mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight, the Goldberg twins are drunk again." |