| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE ANNIVERSARY JOKES OF THE WEEK My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.' And that's how the fight started.... My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, "Do you know her?" "Yes, " I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My God!" says my wife, "Who would think that a person could go on celebrating that long?" And that's when the fight started. A wife wants a fancy Porsche for her fiftieth birthday. She drops hints to her husband:
"You know we've had a really good year, heck, good decade, fiscally. For my birthday, I'm really hoping for something sleek, maybe baby blue. Something you can really step on and it'll go from 0 to 200 in like .2 seconds..." The husband nods knowingly. So for her birthday, he buys her a scale. And that's when the fight started... My wife told me she wants to give her clothes away to starving children, I told her that if they fit them they aren't starving. That is when the fight began
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face cream. And that's when the fight started.
A woman is standing in her room looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's near perfect." And that's when the fight started. For his birthday, I gave my son an iPhone. My daughter received an iPod for hers. For my birthday, I was pleased to receive an iPad. My mother was given an iMac for her birthday. Thinking along the same lines, I got my wife an iRon. And that's when the fight started…
Esther was throwing darts at her husband's picture on a dart board and not even a single one hitting the target. When he entered, saw and asked, "Honey! What are you doing?"
Esther said " Missing you…". And that's when the fight started… A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks. The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay? "
The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days." The bartender asks," Well isn't that a good thing." The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night." My Dentist friend just divorced his wife who is a manicurist. All they did was fight tooth and nail
A married couple are having a fight. Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house. She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things. On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable."
So he turns and says, " What, so now you want me to stay?" "Got in a fight with my wife last night" says one guy to his friend.
"Again", said the friend, "How did it end this time?" "Well, she ended up on her knees, practically begging" "Really, what did she say?" "Get out from under the bed you coward" A married couple were fighting when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?"
The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws." Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife says: I clean the toilet.. .Husband says: How does that help? Wife says: I use your Toothbrush..... The entire 15 years of marriage my wife and I have only had one fight. And it's still not over…
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