| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE UNIFORM JOKES OF THE WEEK Where do hockey players go to get another uniform? New Jersey
Last night, I gave my wife a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar...
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor. A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"
"I'm an undercover detective." "Then why are you in uniform?" "Today is my day off." Why is the army so strict about their uniforms? To minimize casual tees...
Yesterday I saw a police officer wearing a pilot's uniform I thought it was a bit odd. Then I realized he was one of those "plane clothes cops."
A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to an old veteran sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with DSL, BPS, light-speed processing .... and," pausing to take another drink of beer.... The old vet took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young, .. so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little twit, what are you doing for the next generation?" The applause was deafening. Don't you just love old vets...? A fellow came to a tailor to have a suit made for a special occasion. When the suit was ready the man came to the tailor's shop to try it on. To his horror he discovered that one sleeve was significantly longer than the other sleeve and one pants leg was about 10cm shorter than it need be. The fellow complained to the tailor. The event was that evening and he needed the suit.
The tailor advised the desperate fellow that he should pull his arm up in such a fashion that the short- sleeved arm sits right at the hand. He contorted himself as recommended. Then he suggested that he shift his weight in such a way that the cuff of the all too short pant leg comes right to the shoe. He paid for the ill-fitted suit and went off limping down the street. Two gentlemen were walking behind him and were observing how he was ambulating down the street. One man said to the other, "Look at that unfortunate fellow, how disfigured and misshapen he is!" To which his colleague replied on a positive note, "At least he has a good tailor!" There is a war going on between the British and the French and in the middle of the war two soldiers from opposite sides stop to talk and the Brit asks the French officer "why do you wear red uniforms. Don't you realize that they stand out and can be seen a mile away?"
He responds respond "when someone is shot the blood blends in and morale stays up. Why do you wear brown uniforms?" | 
