Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Job Search and how Europeans got their names and the finish of the Ottawa Tour and Canada's new antisemitism law

Canada Gets Tough on Anti.pdf Canada Gets Tough on Anti.pdf
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My job search

"This is quite clever. I wonder who thinks of all his  stuff.

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack,

but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that, I tried being a Tailor,

but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory,

but that was too exhausting.

Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life,

but just didn't have the thyme.

Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker,

but any way I sliced it.... couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was a Musician,

but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a Doctor,

but didn't have any patience.

Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory.

Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

I became a Professional Fisherman, 

but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance company,

but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, 

but they said I wasn't fit for the job..

After many years of trying to find steady work,

I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, 

but had to quit because it was the same old grind.



 How Europeans got their Names....
 Other than aristocrats and wealthy people Europeans did not get surnames
 in Eastern Europe until the Napoleon years of the early 19th century.
 Most of the Jews from countries captured by Napoleon , Russia ,
 Poland and Germany were ordered to get surnames for tax purposes.
 After Napoleon's defeat, many Jews dropped these names and returned
 to "son of" names such as: MENDELSOHN, JACOBSON, LEVINSON, etc.
 During the so called Emancipation, Jews were once more ordered to
 take surnames. In Austria The Emperor Joseph made Jews take last
 names in the late 1700s, Poland in 1821 and Russia in 1844. It's probable that
 some of our families have had last names for 175 years or less.
 In France and the Anglo Saxon countries surnames went back to the
 16th century. Also Sephardic Jews had surnames stretching back
 Spain prior to Ferdinand and Isabella was a golden spot for Jews.
 They were expelled by Isabella in the same year that Columbus left
 for America .
 The earliest American Jews were Sephardic.
 In general there were Five types of names (people had to pay for
 their choice of names; the poor had assigned names):
 1-- Names that were descriptive of the head of
 HOCH (tall) ,
 KLEIN (small),
 COHEN (a Kohen-one of the tribes who were the priests)
 BURGER (village dweller),
 SHEIN (good looking),
 LEVI (temple singer-also one of the tribes like me)
 GROSS (large),
 SCHWARTZ (dark or black),
 WEISS (white),
 KURTZ (short)
 2 -- Names describing occupations:
 HOLTZ (wood)
 HOLTZKOCKER (wood chopper),
 GELTSCHMIDT (goldsmith),
 SCHNEIDER (tailor),
 KREIGSMAN (warrior),
 MALAMED (teacher)
 EISEN (iron),
 FISCHER (fish)
 3-- Names from city of residence:
 DEUTSCH (German)
 POLLACK (Polish),
 4 -- Bought names:
 GLUCK (luck),
 ROSEN (roses),
 ROSENBLATT (rose paper or leaf),
 ROSENBERG (rose mountain),
 ROTHMAN (red man),
 KOENIG (king),
 KOENIGSBERG (king's mountain),
 SPIELMAN (spiel is to play),
 LIEBER (lover),
 BERG (mountain),
 WASSERMAN (water dweller),
 KERSHENBLATT (church paper),
 STEIN (glass).
 5-- Assigned names (usually undesirable):
 PLOTZ (to die),
 KLUTZ (clumsy),
 BILLIG (cheap)
 DREK (sh*t)
 Original Birth Names of Jewish Performers:
 Woody Allen --- Alan Stewart Koenigsberg
 June Allyson --- Ella Geisman
 Lauren Bacall --- Betty Joan Perske
 Jack Benny --- Benjamin Kubelsky
 Irving Berlin --- Israel Baline
 Milton Berle --- Milton Berlinger
 Joey Bishop ---Joseph Gottlieb
 Karen Black --- Karen Blanche Ziegler
 Victor Borge --- Borge Rosenbaum
 Fanny Brice --- Fanny Borach
 Mel Brooks --- Melvin Kaminsky
 George Burns --- Nathan Birnbaum
 Eddie Cantor --- Edward Israel Iskowitz
 Jeff Chandler --- Ira Grossel
 Lee J. Cobb --- Amos Jacob
 Tony Curtis --- Bernard Schwartz
 Rodney Dangerfield --- Jacob Cohen
 Kirk Douglas --- Issue Danielovich Demsky
 Melvyn Douglas --- Melvyn Hesselberg
 Bob Dylan --- Bobby Zimmerman
 Paulette Goddard --- Marion Levy
 Lee Grant --- Lyova Geisman
 Elliot Gould --- Elliot Goldstein
 Judy Holliday --- Judith Tuvim
 Al Jolson --- Asa Yoelson
 Danny Kaye --- David Daniel Kaminsky
 Michael Landon --- Michael Orowitz
 Steve Lawrence --- Sidney Leibowitz
 Jerry Lewis --- Joseph Levitch
 Peter Lorre --- Lazlo Lowenstein
 Elaine May --- Elaine Berlin
 Yves Montand --- Ivo Levy
 Mike Nichols --- Michael Peschkowsky
 Joan Rivers --- Joan Molinsky
 Edward G. Robinson -- Emanuel Goldenberg
 Jane Seymour --- Joyce Penelope Frankenburg
 Simone Signoret --- Simone-Henriette Kaminker
 Beverly Sills --- Belle Silverman
 Sophie Tucker --- Sophia Kalish
 Gene Wilder --- Gerald Silberman
 Yiddish was the secret code, therefore I don't farshtaist,
 A bisseleh maybe here and there the rest has gone to waste.
 Sadly when I hear it now, I only get the gist,
 My Bubbeh spoke it beautifully; but me, I am tsemisht.
 So och un vai as I should say, or even oy vai iz mir,
 Though my pisk is lacking Yiddish, it's familiar to my ear.
 And I'm no Chaim Yonkel , in fact
 I was shtick naches, But, when it comes to Yiddish
 though, I'm talking out my tuchas.
 Es iz a shandeh far di kinder that I don't know it better
 (Though it's really nishtkefelecht when one needs to write a letter)
 But, when it comes to characters, there's really no contention,
 No other linguist can compete with honorable mentshen:
 They have nebbishes and nebechels and others without mazel,
 Then, too, schmendriks and schlemiels,
 and let's not forget schlemazel.
 These words are so precise and descriptive to the
 listener, So much better than "a pill "
 is to call someone 'farbissener'.
 Or - that a brazen woman would be better called chaleria,
 And you'll agree farklempt says more than does hysteria.
 I'm not haken dir a tsheinik and I hope I'm not a kvetch,
 But isn't mieskeit kinder, than to call someone a wretch?
 Mitten derinnen, I hear Bubbeh say, "It's nechtiker tog, don't fear,
 To me you're still a maven, zol zein shah, don't fill my ear.
 A leben ahf dein keppele, I don't mean to interrupt,
 But you are speaking narishkeit.....
 And A gezunt auf dein kup!"
 Farshtaist = (Do You?) Understand
 Bisseleh = A little
 Tsemisht = Con fused or mixed up
 Och un vai = Alas and alack
 Oi vai iz mir = Woe is me
 Pisk = mouth
 Naches = Joy, Gratification
 Shandeh far di kinder = A pity/shame for the children
 Nishtkefelecht = Not so terrible
 Nebbishes = A nobody or simpleton
 Nebechels = A pititful person or playing the role
 of being one
 Schlemiel = Clumsy bungler, an inept person,
 dopey person
 Schmendrik = Nincompoop; an inept or indifferent
 same as chlemiel
 Schlemazel = Luckless person. Unlucky person; one with
      perpetual bad
 (it is said that the shlemiel spills the soup on the
 Farbissener = Embittered; bitter person
 Chaleria = Evil woman. Probably derived from cholera.
 Farklempt = Too emotional to talk. Ready to cry.
 Haken dir a tsheinik = Don't get on your nerves
 (Lit.., Don't bang your teapot!)
 Kvetch = Whine, complain; whiner, a complainer
 Mieskeit = Ugly
 Mitten derinnen = All of a sudden, suddenly
 Nechtiker tog! = He's (it's) gone! Forget it!
 (Lit., a night's day)
 Zol zein shah! = Be quiet. Shut up!!
 Leben ahf dein keppele = Words of praise like; Well
      said! Well done!
 (Lit., A long life upon your head.)
 Narishkeit = Nonsense

Day Three finishes with our tour of Ottawa--better than going to Washington DC and a lot cleaner:


Love Yehuda
Visit my Blog: http://yehudalave.blogspot.com/