This is a joke--I am eating neither latkes or safganiout --too many calories Many people have been asking me about the Halachos of Chanuka and I feel
it's important to calm everyone down. 1. Starting today you should start eating at least 2-3 donuts a day to
get your body ready.
> > 2. Once Chanuka starts you must eat as many donuts a day as you light
candles. So day 4 would be 4 donuts, day 7 would be 7 ..... etc ........
> > 3. If you don't remember how many you ate, you eat as many as possible
to eat the Shiur Hayom.
> >
> > 4. Baked donuts are not counted and should be avoided like Trayf.
> >
> > 5. At least one doughnut a day should have jelly.
> >
> > 6. Most Rishonim agree that custard and jelly donuts are Mitzvha Min
Hamuvchar.
> >
> > 7. If you are in middle of eating donuts and you didn't have in mind
that it's Lshem Mitzvahs Chanuka. You're NOT YOTZE! And you start over
again.
> >
> > 8. If you had triple bypass and are told by a physician to avoid donuts,
some Poskim hold you should eat the donuts, and it's your opportunity for
Mesiras Nefesh Mammosh.
> >
> > 9. Avoid physical activity on Chanuka. We want the miracle of oils to be
visible on you. | 
