Yehuda Lave, Spiritual Advisor and Counselor

Stay in the Calm Zone

In order to stay in the calm zone when dealing with relationship frustrations, we must train ourselves to overcome our negative automatic response patterns. If you grew up with saintly parents, then when you got a poor mark on a test, made a mess, broke a dish or lost an item, someone said something like, "You're far more important than that item." When you were in pain, someone responded with compassion and empathy and guided you through it.

My Father, although he loved me, would laugh at my disappointments instead of giving me support. He did the best he could for who he was.

The reactions of the mature adults in your home taught you how to handle losses. However, if you did not grow up with people who were so proactively working on their character traits, then you may have learned that the way to deal with stress is to slam doors, scream angrily, eat junk food, or freeze in depressive silence. The result is that now, when you feel helpless, ashamed or angry, you fall back on your old patterns, such as cursing, yelling, eating, sulking in despair, or freezing in anxiety. Get mad, bad, sad, sick or crazy. Many people never outgrow these patterns. They are as deeply ingrained in our psyches as our mother tongue.

Isn't it time to stop being 5 years old?

Love Yehuda Lave

Beit Levi Eshkol & 2nd President Izchak Ben Zvi. On an OU trip we visit these two important houses right in the center of Rahavia. The first pictures were of the Museum of the Palmach in Tel Aviv. Well worth a visit to see what a miracle the state of Israel is.

Perfectly Cooked Eggs

A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in...

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. "Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"

The wife runs to the fridge.

"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS"

At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs."

The husband simply smiles and remarks "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car" and leaves.

When the Pope Gives You Advice.

Two beggars were sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.

One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope came by. He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. He felt sorry for him.

Finally, the Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said: "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross.

In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite!"

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, turned to the beggar with the Cross and said:
"Moishe, would you look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing?