Tuesday, November 28, 2017

A 2018 version of the Lord's prayer

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Yehuda Lave, Spiritual Advisor and Counselor

Release the past:

 If G-d does not want something to happen, it won't. You may think you married the wrong person, but G-d decided that this was the right one for you at that time. You also had the "right" parents and the "right" childhood experiences, as painful as they may have been. Resentment prevents us from trusting that G-d was the One who decided what we experienced. Leave the past to Him.

Now you can make your own future

Love Yehuda Lave


A 2018 version of the Lord's prayer for schools

The L-rd's Prayer by a 15 year old school kid who got an A+ for it. The L-rd's Prayer is not allowed in may United States Public Schools any more. A kid in Minnesota wrote the following school prayer:

Now I sit me down in school

Where praying is against the rule

For this great nation under G-d

Finds mention of Him very odd

If Scripture now the class recites

It violates the Bill of Rights

And anytime my head I bow

Becomes a Federal matter now

Our hair can be purple, orange, or green

That's no offense – it's a freedom scene

The law is specific; the law is precise

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice

For praying in a public school

Might offend someone with no faith at all

In silence alone we must meditate

G-d's Name is prohibited by the state

We are allowed to cuss and dress like freaks

And pierce our noses, tongues, and cheeks

They've outlawed guns but first the Bible

To quote the Good Book makes me liable

We can elect a pregnant senior queen

And the unwed daddy our senior king

Is it appropriate to teach right from wrong?

We are taught that such judgments do not belong

We can get our condoms and birth control

Study witchcraft, vampires, and totem poles

But the Ten Commandments are not allowed

No word of G-d must reach this crowd

It's scary here, I must confess

When chaos reigns the school's a mess

So L-rd, this solemn plea I make

Should I be shot, my soul please take.

Leonard Nimoy in THEM! 1954 Sci Fi Movie

Six reasons not to match wits with children:

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.  At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:   

'Take only ONE . God is watching.' 
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. 
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples...'

A little Catholic girl was talking to a public school teacher about whales. 

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.   The little girl stated that Jonah in the Bible was swallowed by a whale.   Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. 
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. 
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' 
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A Kindergarten teacher in a Catholic school was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.. She walked around to see each child's work. 

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. 
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' 
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

A Sunday school teacher in a Catholic church was discussing the Ten Commandments.  After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy father and thy mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' 
From the back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'


 The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' 
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 
'Yes,' the class said. 
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' 
A little fellow shouted,
 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

Amateurs can drive their personal cars on the Nurburgring race track

Charlie Chaplin - The Lion's Cage

See you Tomorrow

Love Yehuda Lave

Rabbi Yehuda Lave

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