An estimated 50% of marriages end in divorce This does not mean that the other 50% are living in bliss - many marriages stay together for the sake of the kids or have settled for mediocrity after giving up hope. They have a greater tolerance for pain, like the person in the dentist's chair who can have a cavity drilled without Novocain. Part of being a great parent is being a great spouse. We want the best for our children; we spend big money for their education and their health care so that they can have the greatest advantages in life. If we want them to have happy marriages, they can only learn it by example. We must strive for happy marriages - if not for our own happiness, then at least for the sake of the children! We don't want them to have to go through divorce and custody battles - either from our failed marriage or from their own failed marriages. The problem is that many people don't think that bliss is possible in marriage. They have settled for living with the pain. Before Roger Bannister ran the 4 minute mile, everyone told him it was impossible. Within 2 weeks, according to an article I read, 11 others ran faster than 4 minutes. It was never a physical barrier, only a mental barrier. People will only strive for things they think they can achieve! Children are a gift from the Almighty to teach us that we can have a no-ego relationship. You don't hear a parent say, "I'm not getting anything from this relationship" about his child. With children we know it's hard work and we have little expectation of anything in return. If a child made dinner for you, you'd be thrilled! You would tell everyone you know! One's spouse makes dinner every night, but do we stop to take pleasure in it and to say thank you? We take things for granted. When it comes to parenting, we are into giving. No one is waiting to get anything from their children. We can apply the same outlook to our marriage. With our children we are into the success mode - if our child has a problem, we will leave no stone unturned to fix that problem. Alan Dershowitz took a year off from work to search and ultimately find a cure after the doctor declared that his child had terminal cancer. We need to have the same commitment to our spouse and to our marriage! With our children we can forgive and forget. A kid can embarrass us in public, tell us that they don't love us, not pick up their dirty clothing, but we move on and don't dwell on it. People say in marriage be careful of what you say, because you can forgive, but it's never forgotten. (One person told me that when he does something wrong his wife gets all historical. I asked, "You mean hysterical?" He replied, "No, historical - she tells me everything I ever did wrong!). However, we do have the capacity to forgive and forget with our spouse. Expectations are what destroy a relationship. We are taught in our youth by Hollywood that we will fall in love, our Prince Charming will come (or we will happen across our Sleeping Beauty) and then we will live happily ever after. It ain't so! Just like when you bring a baby home from the hospital, then the work begins; when one graduates from college, he doesn't just get a big pay check - he has to work and to build to reap rewards. And after one gets married, then, too, the work begins! Once we realize this, we can see that what we get out of the relationship has VERY LITTLE to do with the other person, but everything to do with our expectations! No one is perfect (including you!) Our job is to help our spouse to grow and to accomplish; to encourage and assist. Marriage is about giving, not taking. If we focus on our own obligation to give and not on what we think we should be getting, there will be more marital bliss! Did your spouse ever do anything that made you think, "Maybe I should get a divorce?" Did your child ever do anything that made you think, "Maybe I should look into adoption?" Just because of difficulties, we don't put our kids up for adoption. The essence of marriage is commitment. Have the same commitment to your spouse as you do to your child! Is there ever a time for a divorce? Yes. However, if one has gangrene on his hand, he doesn't immediately tell the doctor to cut it off; first, he asks him to cure it. If all else fails, then the doctor amputates. Our spouse is a part of us; we must have the same commitment as to our hand. Focus on the pleasure you have from your spouse, not the difficulties. Appreciate what your spouse does. Don't have expectations. Stay together not for the children, but for the bliss | 
