| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S LEADER JOKES OF THE WEEK Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth and Vladimir Putin all died and, as former world leaders, were being given a tour of hell. While there, they saw a red phone and asked what the phone is for. The angel there tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check. Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check. Finally Trump gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00. When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Obama got to call USA so cheaply. The angel smiled and replied: "Since Biden took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call." I read on Facebook there is a Canadian political party leader that everyone loves. It's probably not tru-deau Never trust female leaders. They're Ms. Leading. A spiritual Leader lay quietly. He was dying. The disciples had gathered around his bed and recited some holy verses trying to make his last journey divine and pleasant. They wanted to give him warm milk to drink but he declined. One of the disciples took the glass back to the kitchen and decided to add some brandy considering it good for health. He poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Spiritual Leader's bed, they lifted his head gently and held the glass to his lips. The very frail man drank a little, then a little more, and before they knew it, he had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As his eyes brightened, the disciples thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their Spiritual Leader. Sir....! the disciples asked earnestly, "Please, give us some of your wisdom before you leave us." He raised himself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said, "Don't sell that cow." So Achmed answers his door to find a somber-looking police officer standing on his porch. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, sir," the officer says, "but it looks like your wife has been hit by a bus." The man replies, "Yeah, but she's got a great personality." As leader of the USSR, Gorbachev was allowed to conduct weddings He liked to keep them brief: Gorbachev: You want to marry her? Groom: Da Gorbachev: You want to marry him ? Bride: Da Gorbachev: Then so be it. He was a master of the So-be-it union Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation. Well", says the boss, „if I hire you guys, you have to promise to not eat any of our staff." The cannibals promise that they will not eat anyone and get hired. Everything is going well for a while, and one day the boss calls them into his office. "You're working well and all, but we're missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?" The cannibals swear that they are innocent. The boss believes them and leaves the office and they all turn to their leader. "You idiots!", he screams. "Who ate the cleaner?" One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand. "You fool!", shouts the leader. "For weeks we've been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers and human resource staff, and then you go and eat someone they'll actually miss!" 80,000 Free Palestine Yale and Harvard students meet in a football stadium for a "College Students Are Not Stupid" convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that we are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer who will stand up to take their place as our next leader?" A pink haired girl with a keffiyeh gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 students start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the pink haired girl starts crying and the 80,000 students begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!" The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?" Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 protestors jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The new President of the US has just taken power. The former presidents tell him that they have left him two letters. When you get into problems open the first letter. If you still have problems open the second letter". About 1 year into his leadership things are going badly for the new guy. He remembers the words of the former leader and opens the first letter, which reads 'blame all your problems on me. The new president does this and everything is fine for a little while. But sadly things go from bad to worse, so he opens the second letter, which reads 'sit down and write two letters' Someone asked me if I could have dinner with any world leader, living or dead, who would it be? I said, "Ayatolla Khameni... dead." | 
