| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE SAILOR JOKES OF THE WEEK Which sailors blow their nose the most often? Anchor chiefs. What is a sailor's favorite type of detergent? Tide. How does the sea say hello to a sailor? Waves An old sailor once said that you could hear the calm before the storm. He said it sounded like a C flat. Why do sailors like to eat carrots? Because it allows them to sea better. Why don't sailors like to go shopping for new hats? Because they are worried about capsizing. What is a sailor's least favorite type of vegetable? Leeks. What's a sailor's favorite type of candy? Lifesavers. Why can't sailors play cards? Because they're always standing on the deck! Yankel and Berel are out enjoying themselves one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Berel says to Yankel, "listen, Yankel, I have a problem, you know I don't swim well at all." But luckily, Yankel remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class years ago when he was just a youngster and so he begins pulling Berel towards safety. After fifteen minutes of this, however, Yankel begins to grow quite tired – all his energy had left him. And finally, just 100 feet from land, Yankel asks Berel, "So Berel do you suppose you could float alone?" Berel replies, " Yankel, this is a heck of a time to be asking about money!" One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, but only after almost drowning a couple of times. Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ... and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, but only after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times. The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge. A man wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her, "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
| 
