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RABBI SCHWARTZ'S REALLY TERRIBLE ANNIVERSARY JOKES OF THE WEEK
It happened I asked my wife asked when she knew I loved her. She said "We were in Israel, the way you knew so much about the city like it was second nature to you. But I never felt you were condescending to me when I'd ask stupid questions. I saw how much you knew, how passionate you could be. I'd been bored by all the old buildings, but you brought it all to life. I think that weekend, was when I realized you could be the best thing about my life." I didn't speak for a while and then just looked at her until and said three words. "You mean only on our Our twentieth anniversary?!" On their 25th anniversary, a husband took his wife out to dinner. Their teenage daughters said they'd have dessert waiting for them when they returned. After they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "I suppose," the husband responded, "we could wash the dishes and vacuum." My wife is blaming me for ruining our Anniversary. Which is ridiculous, cause I didn't know it was our Anniversary in the first place. For the past 20 years my wife has been complaining about me not putting the cap back on the toothpaste. Last anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy. For a week, I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste. I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it. Finally last night, she turned and looked at me and said - "why have you stopped brushing your teeth?" Marriage is a difficult relationship I tell you. A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary when the wife claimed that her and her husband hadn't argued since their wedding night. After being asked about how they did it, the wife explains that after their wedding ceremony, they went and took a little honeymoon in a horse and buggy. The horse walked ten miles and stopped, refusing to go further. "That's one." Said the wife. The horse looked back, walked another five miles, and stopped, refusing to go further. "That's two." Said the wife. The horse looked back, walked another five miles, and stopped, refusing to go further. "Alright - that's three!" Said the wife angrily. She stepped out of their buggy, grabbed a shotgun and shot the horse. "Hold on!" The husband said. "What do you think you are doing? We are twenty miles from home with no way back, and that was a vicious act of animal cruelty!" The wife looked at her new husband and said: "That's one." Berel: "I'm getting you diamonds for our anniversary" – Shaindy "Nothing would please me more" Berel: "Gets her nothing instead. My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 - 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary...I bought her a scale. We're still not speaking. I bought my wife a fridge for our anniversary... I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.
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