| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE ASKED/ANSWERED JOKES OF THE WEEK My wife asked me what "mansplaining" means. ...now what am I supposed to do? I asked what LGBTQIA means. But I never get a straight answer. A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing dad for $10.00 worth of Bitcoin currency. Dad: $9.67? What do you need $10.32 for? Yankel was a large company owner was once asked How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?" He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking." My 7 year old son came in from school today and asked me: "Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?" "Erm, I don't know" I replied "Mickey Mouse" he replied laughing "Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs" "Donald Duck" I replied "No, all ducks, silly" My interviewer asked me to describe myself in one word. I replied "vague" He asked, "can you elaborate?" I said, "yes". My swimmer friend asked me "what's your favorite stroke?" Apparently the one that killed Margaret Thatcher wasn't an answer. I asked my German friend, "What's a three letter word for compete?" Friend: Vie. Me: Because I'm trying to finish a crossword. I met a Jewish girl and she asked for my number. I told her we use names here. OUCH!!! My wife asked why I was whispering. I told her that Mark Zuckerburg might be listening. Then she laughed, and Siri laughed, and Alexa laughed. A journalist asked Tim Cook why iPhones are so expensive "Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth paying to replace so many devices!" "Then why are Androids so much cheaper?", asked the journalist. "Because," said Tim Cook, "an Android replaces just one device. The iPhone. Chaim was a 100-year-old man and his 98-year-old wife Suri were once asked for their health secrets. Chaim said "I'll tell you my secret. I've been married for 75 years. I promised my wife when we got married that when we quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometres. So I've been walking 5 kilometres every day for past 75 years! " Everyone applauded and asked again "But how come your wife is very healthy as well?" Chaim answered "That is another secret. For 75 years every single day she has been following me to make sure I really walk the full 5 kilometres!"
|