| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TERRIBLE HAND JOKES OF THE WEEK When is a hand a foot? When it is 12 inches long (or on Purim if you read my E-Mail and didn't just skip to jokes…) I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right. What has 5 fingers, but isn't your hand? My hand. Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works better. The other day I saw a one hand man in a second hand store...I went up to him and told him that I don't believe they have what you're looking for. In a freak accident I lost all the fingers on my right hand. I asked the doctor If I would still be able to write with it. He replied "Probably, but I wouldn't count on it" A man from Saudia Arabia got caught stealing a hand sanitizer. He won't be needing it anymore I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. It's seven What happened to the handy man when he lost his hands? He became an army man. What kind of tree fits in your hands? A palm tree You gotta hand it to short people. Because they can't reach it on their own. What do you call a spice vendor who refuses to wash his hands? Someone with too much thyme on his hands. Why do Iranian women make sandwiches with their left hands? Because they have no rights. You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes? 8 Hezbolla terrorists after Israel beepered them. Wife: I have blisters on my hands from using the broom all day. Husband: Well next time take the car then silly My wife handed me two kayak paddles and asked, "Which one do you want?" I said I'd take either/oar. The nurse hands a man his newborn and says "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it." He responds "well give me the one my wife made." I steal candy bars using slight of hand...You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve I found a used football in a second hand store and I picked it up and took it to the counter. "How much is this?" I asked "That'll be $5" said the owner. "Would you like me to pump it up for you?" "Of course, thanks a lot!" I replied. So, he got a small pump from under the counter and in a few seconds the ball was as good as new. "Ok, all done" he said. "That'll be $10 please". "$10!!!??!!" I replied. "But you said $5 just now". He looked up and said "Sorry. Inflation". Yesterday and today I stuck my hand inside feather pillows. Is it normal that I'm feeling down? "Hand me downs" - Apparently not the right way to ask the wife to hand me our disabled baby. (oyshhh I was hoping that you wouldn't make it to this joke…)
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