RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE LEADERSHIP JOKES OF THE WEEK Trump and Bibi are discussing leadership and decision making...Donald Trump asks Bibi how he's able to make such great decisions all the time. Bibi says "I make sure to communicate with intelligent people and ask their advice." Trump: "Well how do you know they're smart?" Bibi says "I ask them riddles. Observe." He calls up Deri. "Shalom, Aryeh. If your parents have a child and it's not your brother or your sister, who is it?" Deri: "It's me, of course." Bibi: "You see?" Trump is really impressed and goes home to the White House. He calls up his VP Vesgeth and says "Hey JD, if your parents have a kid, and it's not your brother or your sister, who is it?" JD: "Mr. President, let me get back to you on that." He opens an investigation, spends millions of dollars of taxpayer money to no avail. A week passes and he happens to mention this to Marco Rubio during a briefing, who rolls his eyes. "It's me of course." JD calls the president immediately. "Mr. President, I have your answer. It's Marco Rubio." Trump: "Haw haw, no, you idiot, it's Aryeh Deri!" The Confederacy had some top-tier military leadership. General Lee speaking. . I was in a job interview. The man asked me to show him an example of leadership skills. "OK," I replied. "I'm hired." Why doesn't Donald Trump compare his leadership to Steve Jobs? Even he knows not to compare Apples and oranges. One day Vladimir Putin arrived at an elementary school, where he gave a lecture on all the reasons why Russia, under his leadership, is the best country in the world. After the lecture, he invited the children to ask him questions, and almost everyone raised their hand enthusiastically - after all, not every day they get to raise a question before the President of Russia. "Yes, cute girl," Putin said, pointing to a girl with braids, who began to speak, saying, "Hello, Mr. President. My name is Sasha and I wanted to know: Do you think one day Russia will return to itself as the Soviet Union, In the past? " "Of course," Putin replied. "It is only a matter of time before all the countries of Eastern Europe, and even the countries of the world, understand that it is in their favor." "Yes cute boy, next question please," Putin said, pointing to a boy with freckles, who said, "Hello Mr. President. My name is Arkady and I wanted to know: what is the secret of your success? Because you are the most powerful and important man in all of Russia." "The truth is," Putin said, "I am the most powerful and important man in the whole world, and the secret of my success is that I just know what is good for everyone, so everyone trusts me to run the country for the best." "Do you have any more questions?" Putin wondered, then pointed to a blond boy raising his hand. The boy spoke and said: "Hello Mr. President. My name is Boris and I wanted to know why Russia is sending troops to Ukraine and why we have annexed the Crimean peninsula from Ukraine to us?". A moment after Boris finished asking his question the break bell suddenly rang, and everyone went out for lunch. When the break was over, Putin and all the children returned to the lecture hall. "Yes sweet girl," Putin said, pointing to a girl with short hair who stood up. "Hello Mr. President. My name is Katya and I wanted to know where Boris is? The new Ayatolla has just taken power. The former leaders says to him ‘I have left you two letters. When you get into problems open the first letter. If you still have problems open the second letter”. About 1 year into his leadership things are going badly for the new guy. He then remembers the words of the former leader and opens the first letter, which reads ‘blame all your problems on me’. The new guy does this and everything is fine for a little while. But sadly things go from bad to worse, so he opens the second letter, which reads ‘sit down and write two letters’. A manager comes back from a Leadership Seminar, full of bright ideas and cheerfulness. He calls a meeting of all of his employees and announces that his office door will be open, and he will be easily accessible for the rest of the week, and if there is ANYTHING an employee needs, now is the time to come talk to him. Less than an hour later, the manager is sitting in his office, and Joe comes in sheepishly. "Boss," says Joe, "I've got a problem." "No, Joe!" says the manager. "In this company, we do not have problems. We have opportunities!" "Ok boss," says Joe, "I've got a drinking opportunity"
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