| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S CONSTRUCTION JOKES OF THE WEEK An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the large, muscular, Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling." To the slightly less muscular but still large Italian man, he says, "You're in charge of sweeping." And to the skinny Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand." So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" He replies "I no hava no broom, you saida to the Chinese guy that he wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." The foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." He replied, "Aye, ye did lad, bit ah couldnae git masel' a shuvl! Ye left thon wee Chinese mannie in chairge of supplies, bit ah couldnae fin' him onywhar." The foreman is really pissed off now and storms off towards the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. As he approaches the mound, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the sand and yells… "SUPPLIES!" Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting. Berel was sitting there at the construction site on his first day of work listening to Mario, a strong young man bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the Berel and some of the older workmen at the site. After several minutes, Berel had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "C'mon Jew, you're on, old man," Mario replied. "Let's see what you got." Berel reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in." Yankel and Chaim two construction workers are working on a street. Yankel turns to Chaim and says, "I don't want to work anymore, I will act crazy so the manager sends me home early". He then proceeds to tie himself by the feet and swings around shouting, "I'm a lightbulb, I'm a lightbulb!" Sure enough, the manager tells him to go home. Chaim, seeing the success his friend had, decided to start packing up his things. The manager asks, "What are you doing? The work isn't finished yet!" To which the Chaim responds, "How am I supposed to see without a lightbulb?" Me: I had to quit my construction job because I wasn't strong enough for the work. Friend: Did you give them your too weak notice? I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site... But when I got home, all the signs were there. Got a speeding ticket the other day. There was this sign that said "Construction 35mph ahead". I figured, I had four people in the car ... A construction contractor buys a 10-foot Italian Deli submarine sandwich to feed his crew. It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4-foot sandwich. He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He's at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning. "Of course!" the boss exclaims, "he's the subcontractor!"
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