RABBI SCHWARTZ'S INNER PEACE JOKES OF THE WEEK Inner Peace If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without alcohol, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, Then You Are Probably The Family Dog! And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ... The path to inner peace begins with just 3 words. Not my problem I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage. I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely." I asked what happens when they do. "We get another sheep." Therapist tells his patient to write individual letters to everyone who wronged him and then burn them to gain some peace. Patient comes back the next week and says he's done what the therapist recommended. Then asks what he should do with the letters.! When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully and in my sleep. Not screaming and wailing like his passengers. So my congregant came over to me after my sermon and complimented me… I think, saying, "Rabbi, your words today were just like the peace and love of Hashem". "Thank you," I responded, "Why do you say that?" He explained, "Because the peace of Hashem is beyond all understanding, and the love of Hashem goes on forever." In a competition to express luck, peace and quiet in a single sentence, the winning sentence was... "My kids are asleep". My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner. So I took the battery out of the smoke detector. Rest in peace, boiling water. You will be mist. Berel: My dear, Chanaleh what will you do after my death? Chanaleh: I can't live without you. I would die as well and come with you. Berel: huh.. I didn't believe what that that mekubal said. But now I do. Chanaleh: what did he say? Berel: He said, I won't live a peaceful life even after death !!!
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