RABBI SCHWARTZ’S TERRIBLE CONSTRUCTION JOKES OF THE WEEK You guys wanna hear an Israeli construction joke? ..... hold on I'm working on it. Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting. Berel and Yankel got a job as construction workers and have spent the week working on a street Berel turns to the Yanke and says, “I don’t want to work anymore, I will act crazy so the manager sends me home early”. He then proceeds to tie himself by the feet and swings around shouting, “Im a lightbulb, I’m a lightbulb!” Sure enough, the manager tells him to go home. Yankel, seeing the success his friend had, decided to start packing up his things. The manager asks, “What are you doing? The work isn’t finished yet!” To which the Yankel responds, “How am I supposed to see without a lightbulb?” Me: I had to quit my construction job because I wasn’t strong enough for the work. Friend: Did you give them your too weak notice? I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site...But when I got home, all the signs were there. A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt. The bartender asks: “What can I get you?” The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.” How does a Jewish mother change a lightbulb? "No, that's all right. I'll just sit here in the dark." What do they call it when two construction machines get into a physical altercation? A CAT fight A frog applies for a construction job. The engineer asks, "What can you do?" "Rivet." Little Chaim is selling lemonade by a construction site. His sign reads “1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1 A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade. "25 cents", says Chaim The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each. As the construction worker walks away, he turns around with a smile, and says: "Hey kid, you realize I just bought three cups for 75¢… Maybe lemonade stands aren’t your thing." "I guess you're right" says Chaim good-naturedly as he sets up the next 3 cups. David has done well for himself and is Mayor of a small town in Israel. One day, David and his wife Ilana are walking past a construction site. Suddenly, one of the construction workers stops and calls out "What's new, Ilana?" "Why, it's nice to see you again Avi," Ilana replies. She turns to introduce David to the construction worker, and they speak for several minutes. After David and Ilana continue on, he turns to her and asks how she knows Avi. "Oh," Andrea said. "We went to the same high school. I even thought about marrying him." David began to say. "You realise how lucky you are. If I hadn't come along, today you would be the wife of a construction worker!" Ilana replied without hesitation, "Not really. If I had married him, he'd now be a Mayor!".
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