| RABBI SCHWARTZ'S TRUMP INNAUGURATION JOKES OF THE WEEK On the night of his inauguration, Donald Trump is visited by 3 ghosts
Early in the night, FDR appears. Trump asks him "how can I make America great again?"
FDR replies "think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets"
Trump's face sours "FAKE NEWS!" he screams and FDR disappears. Trump falls back to sleep.
A few hours later, he is awakened by George Washington's ghost. Trump asks "how can I make America great again?"
Washington replies "I would suggest you never tell a lie", which infuriates Trump. He screams for his bodyguards but Washington is already gone.
Trump asks: Barack, your approval ratings are pretty high. I love ratings bigly. Can you give me some tips?
Obama: The key is having a strong administration. I make sure that my administration not only works hard but is also composed of smart people.
Trump: What do you mean?
Obama summons Biden.
Obama (to Biden): Joe, I have a question for you. Who is a son or daughter of your parents but not your sibling?
Biden: It is me Barack!
Obama to Trump: See, that is how we roll...
After inauguration Trump decides to test this on Pence.
Trump: JD I have a question for you. Who is a son or daughter of your parents but not your sibling?
After some brainstorming Vance says "It is me!".
Trump furious: What are you talking about loser? It is Joe Biden. You are fired!
Obama, Biden and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."
God asks Biden first: "What do you believe?"
He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen".
God can't help but see the simple goodness of Biden and offers him a seat to his left.
Then God turns to Obama and says, "What do you believe?"
Obama says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American."
God is greatly moved by Obama's eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Trump and says, "And you, Donald, what do you believe?"
Trump replies, "I believe you're in my seat."
A Russian spy under the alias of "Joe Smith" is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent Perry.
Smith: "I don't understand, why am I being interrogated?"
Perry: "Drop the act, Smith, if that even is your real name. We know you're a foreign spy!"
Smith: "WHAT? No! I'm a real American, I can name all 46 Presidents of the United States, in order, with the dates of their inaugurations and their Vice Presidents."
Perry: "We still know you're a spy!"
Smith: "You're all wrong! I can name all fifty states, US territories, and all their capitals!"
Perry: "We still know you're a spy!"
Smith: "Wait… I know every word of the national anthem, the pledge of allegiance, the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights!"
Perry: "We still know you're a spy!"
Smith: "Ok, I submit, I'm a Russian spy under a fake name. But… how could you tell?"
Perry: "Because Americans don't know any of those things."
Yankel is elected president. Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!"
"Oy, Yankeleh, That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"
"So," he asks "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?"
"I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is so cold this time of year."
"I'm the president, mom. I can arrange for you to get any sweater you want."
"I'm still not sure," continues his mother, "flying across the country is such a hassle."
"Mom, I'll have you flown out here on Air Force One. It'll be no trouble to you." Finally, his mother agrees.
The day of the inauguration rolls around, and his mother is seated between the Vice President and the Secretary of State. As he's being sworn in, his mother nudges the vice president.
"You see that boy up there? The one with his hand on the Bible? His brother's a doctor. "
The date is 20 January 2025. Donald Trump has just been sworn in as President. He walks to the mic for his inauguration speech. He looks at Biden and says "You're Fired".
The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of the large crowd gathered for his inauguration
The Pope says to Trump, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Trump replies, "I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!"
So the Pope slapped him.
What did Trump say to Biden when he bumped into him intentionally in the hallway of the White House as he was leaving. Pardon me, please.
An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night. There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past. Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere. It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!
Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great! By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"
His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed.
If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico. Not by choice though.
Trump says to Vance, "China's mining too many ores"
Vance: What are you going to do?
Trump: Order more tariffs to make them mine less.
Vance: Mine fewer.
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that yet.
Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for
He said 'Genius'
The problem with Trump jokes: Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes
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