GOOD MORNING! Did you ever notice that you don't like criticism? When someone criticizes us we tend to get defensive -- and then offensive. First, we justify ourselves proclaiming that we are right ... and if that isn't possible, then we proceed immediately to the second step -- attacking the critic's credentials to criticize. "Who are you to criticize me? You're no better than I am." And ... in the end, the critic may have been right about our behavior ... and we may well have been wrong.
We know that no one is perfect and that we all make mistakes. We know that the only way to improve is be aware of our errors; we can't fix what we don't know is wrong. Criticism is our friend.
Criticism can be perceived as a challenge to our self-esteem, our integrity, our righteousness, our competence, our intelligence. We are all products of our environment and chances are that some of our parents and teachers have been over-zealous in finding not only our mistakes, but our faults and weaknesses. They may have even relished the experience of exerting their authority, expertise and control in telling us about our faults.
There is an old Jewish saying, "Both the home owner and the cat want to catch mice. The difference is that the home owner wants to be rid of the mice while the cat wants there to be mice which it can catch."
Why do people give criticism? One motivation: it gives them an ego boost and makes them feel empowered. There are two ways to feel good about yourself, to raise yourself up -- improve yourself ... your character, your talents, your knowledge, your capabilities -- or put someone else down. Then, there are those who unload "with both barrels firing" because they are angry about what the person did. However, there are people who genuinely care about others and want them to reach their potential in life.
What does the Torah teach us about criticism? The Torah speaks of criticism in terms of the mitzvot and ethical behavior: "You shall reprove your fellow man ..." (Lev. 19:17). There are many particular situations and corresponding laws for giving reproof.
Before giving someone criticism, ask yourself, "Why do I want to point out these mistakes? Is it for my sake or for his? Do I want to help this person -- or am I just angry and want to vent my frustration?
Prerequisites for Giving Reproof
- Unless there is a pressing reason for immediate action, wait 24 hours before addressing the issue. This lets emotions calm down and gives perspective on the situation.
- Make sure that the information is correct. Oftentimes we do not know the full story.
- Ascertain if conveying the information will be of benefit to the individual and that he is willing to listen to you.
- Check out how you feel about relating the information. If you feel a thrill or anticipate joy, then you should not be the one to speak about the issue. Only speak with him if you truly feel love for and care about the person.
- Praise the person for 3 things, before raising the issue.
Prerequisites for Receiving Reproof
- Know that we are subjective; others can be objective. The person may be correct in total or to some degree.
- Focus on the fact that the person is either right or wrong about your actions. If he is right, learn from it and consider ways to improve. If he is wrong, use the situation as a lesson to avoid his mistakes when criticizing others. We can learn from everyone -- some what to do, some what not to do.
- Take to heart what the person says and consider it. Do not become defensive.
Watch this important video done is a sweet way by a little girl showing us what we put in our bodies?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exBEFCiWyW0
|
--
Visit my Blog: http://yehudalave.blogspot.com
or http://www.yehudalave.com/
--
Visit my Blog: http://yehudalave.blogspot.com
or http://www.yehudalave.com/
