I love being Jewish because it's such a logical, rational religion!
- blew a ram's horn,
- ate a fish head,
- swung a chicken around my head,
- dressed in a suit & sneakers,
- wore a white robe,
- prayed & fasted for 25 hours,
- built & ate in a hut with a leaky bamboo ceiling,
- walked around with a palm branch & a citrus fruit,
- whipped willow branches on the floor,
- ate roughly 8 lbs of meat &
- used 6 vacation days without leaving my neighborhood.
So tell me how can you not love being Jewish.
One day, Eve was walking in the garden with God. She said, "God, the garden is wonderful, and the animals and birds provide such joy, but I am still lonely sometimes."
"No problem!" the Lord replied. "I will make you a man for a companion. He will desire to please you and to be with you. But I have to warn you, he won't be perfect. He'll have a difficult time understanding your feelings, will tend to think only of himself, and will stay out late with his bowling buddies."
"What's bowling?" Eve asked.
"Oh... never mind. I was just getting ahead of myself, sorry."
"That's OK. I think I can handle this 'man'," Eve replied.
"Great, I'll get right to it!" God said, and started grabbing some mud and shaping it.
Suddenly, the Lord stopped and said to Eve, "Oh, there's one other thing about this man I'm making for you."
"What's that?" asked Eve.
"You'll have to tell him he was here first."
Rabbi Epstein is standing before his congregation ready to give his High Holiday sermon. Unfortunately, he can't focus on spiritual matters, as the physical ones are more pressing.
"Friends," Rabbi Epstein begins, "unfortunately, I must report that a massive hole has been found in the roof of the synagogue.
"Now I have good news and bad news for you," the Rabbi continues. "The good news is that we have the money to repair it; the bad news is that the money is in your pockets."
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